Lately I’m posting less intensively and it’s my bad. I’m not going to make any explanations, because it’s going to be stupid excuses – slow internet in the hostel, no free time (what is absolutely lie ) or anything else. To be true, I’m a bit out of my focused life and I’m losing control of it again. But not in a bad sense. On the other hand it shows, that I still have to learn one thing – to be focused not only when I’m bad, but when I am good, also. Even more important.
Last weekend I met one very interesting and clever guy. We’ve spent a crazy weekend drinking white wine, talking until the morning, he gave me to drive his car (don’t forget that I failed driving exam ), we went to the mountains, etc. We talked a lot about his ex relationships, about mine one too and after having thought a lot about it, I had a feeling, that little by little I’m letting my ex boyfriend go. It’s like I’m accepting not logically, but also in my heart, that we are not together anymore. It is appearing some hole in that part where was him, and I have to fill it with other things. What it will be? No idea. Studies, reading, new feelings? I don’t know. I feel kind of guilty letting it go, but on the other hand the sooner it happens, the better. Just so strange, how everything changes so fast, the weekend before this one, when he was here, I felt strange and couldn’t believe we are really apart. Now I’m realising it, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with him anymore, it more means that I’m leaving these thoughts behind and little by little moving forward. Am I inlove again? No. It’s still a long way to be inlove again, when my heart is full of love for him.
So, maybe today’s lesson is also about it. Keep walking, keep moving, this is what motivates us. Don’t stop, because when you stop moving, everything stops changing around and it gets harder to move it again.
Nothing in this life should be taken for granted. Nothing belongs to us. People come into our lifes for some period of time, later they go. Some of them stay forever. But if they want to go, we should let them do it – nothing belongs to us… So hard to realize and accept it, but once we do, some things become easier…