January was strange, long, intensive, different month. First of all because I came to San Sebastian, I started my investigation-looking for a master thesis topic months here.
- I would say, that I haven’t done everything perfectly. I’ve lost the control and that concentration which I had during the autumn. This month I was like more enjoying the time here than being focused on what I’m doing. So it’s like I have some double feeling – I have a pressure that I should be working more on observation, on the other hand, this time is very good to not to say anymore that I’m recovering from big changes of my life, but that I’m already living my new life.
- First weeks I was having a bit hard time, feeling strange being back to Spain but in completely different situation, without my boyfriend, etc. But little by little I managed these feelings, and after he came to visit me, now I feel better.
- The other bad thing I did this month, was that I was posting way less. I really feel better with my life now, and all the stuff, but I don’t like the idea, that I can concentrate and focus on the things only when I’m bad. I was writing in one of the steps about not waiting until something bad happens, but being conscious all the time. And it seems, I’m doing it. It shows, that there is still a long way left for me in changing my life – I’m better now, I’m more conscious, I’m not repeating some mistakes, but I still keep some my old habits. On the other hand is good that I’m discovering it now, that I have these situations, because if no,I would believe that I’m already completely new and later I would be very dissatisfied and frustrated.
- I met one guy which I started to like this month. But the important fact is not that there is a guy or smth, because we are not going to become a couple (we both don’t want it), but important is that I was able to realize and let myself go thinking, that my boyfriend is a past and I have to move, I have to leave everything behind and understand, that if I like someone, I’m not betraying my ex.
- What I have to do next, is to recover my control, focus and go on like I’ve been doing until now. It seems like there is a big light in the end of the tunel.