It’s not so easy everything, everybody knows it. One thing is to know the theory, other – to put it into practice. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to fast – one step for one day. It feels, I’m not learning. But it’s not true. I think, I shouldn’t learn by heart, or each step perfectly. What I’m doing, is reflecting on them, looking for examples in my life, looking what was wrong with this and what different should be done.
Today I was feeling out of motivation to do french homework. Actually, I don’t like my french classes, I was thinking about abandoning them. But. But I remembered the step 5, I remembered step 2 and I took my exercise book, and did that **** homework. Did I feel better after it? Well, at least I felt that it wasn’t so hard to do that. All I had to do – just to make so more pressure on me.
On the other hand, sometimes I’m thinking, that it’s not the right thing I’m doing. Firstly, I need to recover from the break up with my ex, which every single day I see more and more nonsense. I observe myself and think, think, think – no explanation. But again – it’s the past, probably sometimes we don’t understand the real reasons and don’t see the logic. Maybe it will come a moment when I discover it. Or maybe it will come a moment when I wouldn’t care about it anymore.
So, today is step 7 – look for the lost gold. It’s the familiar thing even for me.
“When I am happy, I see the happiness in others. When I am compassionate, I see the compassion in other people. When I am full of energy and hope, I see opportunities all around me. But when I am angry, I see other people as unnecessarily testy. When I am depressed, I notice that people’s eyes” – S.Chandler.
I know this personally, that I see the world through my eyes – the view depends on which “glasses” I put. If I feel motivated and happy, nothing can change it, even the day is cold, grey or rainy. And then all the people around look the same. But sometimes is opposite, especially, in Lithuania, you can smile and your smile can reach the sky, but the rest of the people would look at you like a crazy and won’t smile you back. Or people can be friendly to you, but you feel so shitty, that you don’t react to them. Despite of this, I agree with S.Chandler, that many things depend on how we look to them. Everything changes when you change the angle of your attitude.
“Our self-motivation suffers most from how we choose to see the circumstances in our lives.“- writes S.Chandler.
“In every circumstance, we can look for the gold, or look for the filth. And what we look for, we find.”
Ok, so, less talks, let’s try to work a bit!
Let’s see, who does it work. Let’s think about some situation.
ok, here it is. Early morning, dark, cold and raining outside, the bus full of people, there is not place to sit, so no possibility to read a book, for example.
What can we do?
- Copy the faces of other passengers in the bus, and impatiently count the stops until we get off
- Be angry since the morning, because of the weather conditions, carelessly prepare the breakfast, put black clothes on and having said “welcome to one more bad day”, leave the house
- We can also enter the bus, push people, say some nasty words to the nearest passenger and feel a bit better about it. We can call to somebody and complain about something – if the morning is bad for us, why should it be good for others?
- We can wake up, put some nice music and remember – it’s autumn now, so it’s normal that it’s raining and cold outside, there is nothing to be changed
- We can put our mp3 players to the ears and listen some nice music during the bus trip, not paying attention to the people
- We can observe people in the bus and create funny stories about them in our minds, or we can laugh from them a little
- We put not the music into mp3, but some studies, language learning, or something – use the time better when in the bus.
Which day would be better?
Ok, these are very basic examples. Let’s see, ok, let’s take my own situation. 8 months ago I was still living in Spain, having 3 mini jobs (after almost 2 years of seeking), I was living with my boyfriend, we had our dreams, we loved each other, we were travelling and having future plans. At this moment I’m sitting in Lithuania without him, our dreams and all this stuff. I’m hurting, and not understanding, how could it happen – in July he said he loved me like his life and wants to be with me, and in August he left me.
What can I do?
- Start to hate him
- Feel sorry for myself.
- Blame me for some particular things. (done)
- Start each day with the thoughts of the past and unanswerable questions. (done)
- Stop doing the things, lay down in the bed and look to the walls. (almost done)
- Think, that my life has stopped. (done)
- Live in the past.
- Keep thinking about this all the time, and do not forget to use the words like: never in my life, it won’t happen, I won’t be..
What else can I do?
- Accept the fact, that whether I want, or I don’t want, the situation is real – I am single. (done)
- Instead of feeling pity for myself, I could think, what was wrong and what could I change for not to happen the same again. (done)
- Treat this like a great memory of what has been and appreciate it.
- Believe in me, that it was not my fault, and that these things happen. He lost a lot having chosen to be without me. But so did I when I stayed without him. (done)
- Discover my needs and wishes and start a new page of my life.
- Accept this like a possibility to the personal growth.
- Look at this situation as a new period of life with new possibilities (It’s been doing)
I put (done) to the things which I have done during this time (I will go on putting it when I feel I’ve done something new). Firstly, of course, I did the ones from the first part, later I got tired and exhausted, so I tried with the second part. I’m still maneuvering between the both. I have to admit, the second one is already winning.
It’s not easy, it’s not easy to lose the most important person in one’s life. It’s not easy to lose him when you know that both persons at the moment of breaking, love each other. It’s not easy to lose everything what was created and was planned to create. But life is not a stinky water, it is moving, so it breaks the builded houses until you build new ones, or recover the old ones. Depends on how strong they were.
Today it’s 2 months since we break. 21st of August was the last time when I heard “I love you” from him, when he looked into my eyes saying this. And it was true. Later there were couple more times when he said this to me, but via internet already.
After two months I’m feeling quite good. Not perfect, but good, as much as it can be. I found some strength inside of me, which I believed have lost. When I started this blog last week, I thought, that I’ll show him this after 100 days, to show him that I’m worth to be believed in and given one more chance. Today, after 8 days of writing everyday, I don’t see the meaning of this. I’m not sure anymore if it is necessary to show him this. I’m not doing this for him anymore, so it’s not so important to let him know about it.
“Opportunity is life’s gold. It’s all you need to be happy. It’s the fertile
field in which you grow as a person. And opportunities are like those
subatomic quantum particles that come into existence only when they
are seen by an observer. Your opportunities will multiply when you
choose to see them.” – S.Chandler
How are you choosing to see the opportunities?