Step 42. Let your whole brain play

It feels, that steps of last days are related on brain functioning and it’s divided in few parts to make it easier.

brainSo for today S.Chandler offers us to use whole brain. Not only right part, responsible for creativity, but also the left one. As he marks, we use both sides during tough times, some catastrophic moments. But… we don’t need to wait for them if we want to use whole brain. All we should do, is, as I’ve told in other steps – find a purpose, challenge and go for it.

The three best ways to activate whole-brain thinking are through 1)
goal-visualization, 2) joyful work, and 3) revitalizing play. Rather than
wait for external crises to appear, create internal challenge games of
your own—goals and purposes—that lead you in growth toward the
motivated person you want to become.

When I started all this “project”, I was worried, that I don’t have any aim. I was sad, hurted, I didn’t want anything. But I was mistaken! I had the aim – to recover and to become motivated person. So, as in 8 days I’ll reach half of the way, finally I know, that I found my objective 🙂 Of course, it’s more short time one, it’s like an introduction to new life style and way of thinking.

I’m so conscious these weeks, that I’m sure – my brain is working and is doing it’s job. Great!

So, this is short reminder to everyone – we don’t have to wait until something terrible or painful happens in our lifes, we can start to use  our brain and go for our aims before that. Then maybe we could prevent bad things.

And tomorrow starts winter! Last month of the year! It has been very strange year. 🙂

Step 41. Get up on the right side

…I guess, the problem of some people is the lack of motivation. And the lack of motivation has a direct connection with a purpose. So, it means, that the lack of purpose means less motivation. Less motivation –> less happiness –> less joy –> no relationshipg with ourselves, with others. After all come frustations, fights, anger and all other negative emotions. Finally one sits on the bridge and thinks – why do all people have a normal, good, happy life except me?

And what happens when there is a purpose? Even the smallest one? We feel some wave of energy, no matter what. No matter if we ate that day, no matter if we’re sick, tired or sad. Motivation gives us energy which lets do the stuff we are doing. Energy creates strenght –>more motivation –> self-esteem –> believe in ourselves when we reach the objective –> double more motivation.

I feel saddest when I reach objectives. Ironic, no? Sometimes it seems, the most important is the process, not the result. Of course, it always should be the continuity, not the end. This is what I lacked before – being able to continue when I reach something.

Talking in the words of science, what happens with the brain, when we have the aim and we go for it? Why our bodies react differently to similar, at the first glance, things?

If you had to carry a heavy sack of sand across town, your left brain
might get upset and tell you that you were doing something boring and
tedious. However, if your child were injured badly and she weighed the
same as the huge bag of sand, you’d carry her the same distance to the
hospital with a surprising surge of vital energy (sent from the right
brain). That’s what purpose does to the brain.” – says S.Chandler.

I enjoy looking at the motivated people, it seems they are enjoying even when they are breathing. Their faces are shining, they are radiating their positivity and contagiate with it others. Damn, it’s so great to look at them! The problem is, that lately I don’t see a lot of them. Why? It’s because I’m not like this, or because there are really less people like them?  I don’t know. Maybe it’s the first option?

If you want to see one person like this, go to my page “sounding personal buttons” and look for the french girl Zaz and her song “Je vieux”. Enjoy listening and watching! Just look at that girl, HOW she is enjoying what she’s doing!

I wish me and all of you the same. To have this feeling at least once. Once you have it, probably you will be seeking for it rest of your life.

Je vieux!

 

Step 40. Find your soul purpose

If you refuse to cultivate happiness in yourself, you will not be of
extraordinary service to others, and you will not have the energy to
create who you want to be. There is no goal better than this one: to
know as you lie on your deathbed that you lived your true life because
you did what made you happy.”

I’m asking myself what does make me happy. It’s been a long time since I was asking it. And I don’t know if I still haven’t heard this answer, or all the answers I’ve heard were the wrong ones, or I don’t know how to listen, how to understand. I know when I get excited, I know what I like to do. Just sometimes if feels like I have some boundaries which don’t allow me do something. I don’t know, maybe it’s a low self-esteem, or fear of something, I don’t know yet. I feel, the time is coming again, when I need to dedicate a day of silence to me – no books, no music, no people, no internet, just me, my self, pen and piece of paper. I need to listen to myself again, to ask myself how am I. There has been a lot of changes in my out and inner life, so I have to reflect on everything in order to move on. I should do it before going to Spain.

Today’s step is to find out what makes us happy and start doing it. The answer should be found by ourselves, nobody is going to tell it to us. It’s the reminder from last lesson – nobody comes to rescue me.

What I have come to realize is that you can live your true
life anywhere, in any job, with any boss.”

Everything sounds quite mysterious, but I think, that it’s not so difficult as it sounds. But this is the moment, when we have to ge out of our comfort zones, face with our fears, do something unexpected, do something what others don’t wait from us, do something strange, extraordinary.

I don’t feel as I’m already on my way to find my soul purpose, because I’m still sometimes coming back and remembering my relationship with my ex. We are in touch and we still have feelings for each other. So I’m still using a lot of energy for recovering me. On  the other hand, it’s already the time to move on, or if it’s not yet, it’s very close. I have to move on and leave my past behind, take my hopes and move on. Everything will be as it has to be. Everything will be ok.

And when I start to move, I’ll find my purpose. I’m sure. I’m on a good way.

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Step 39. Come to your own rescue

Rescue me from the mire
Whisper words of desire
Rescue me – Darling rescue me
With your arms open wide
Want you here by my side
Come to me – darling rescue me
When this world’s closing in
There’s no need to pretend
Set me free – darling rescue me” (B.Adams “Do I have to say the words”)

The more I live, the more experience I get, the less I like some songs I used to love. Or the less I believe them. These lyrics sound so soft – rescue me – putting the responsibility to another person, all hopes, wishes, giving so much job to other instead of both being indepedent and loving each other. I prefer not to put my hopes and problems on another persons shoulder, but rather enjoy being together without anything else.

It’s so good when we are kids and our parents come to rescue us from every trouble we get in. Then we don’t have to worry about anything – just ask for help and everything is done. When we grow up, our problems grow up with us, so parents aren’t able anymore to help. What happens? We sit and wait until something comes and helps us? But if nobody comes?

The notion that “no one is coming” was somehow terrifying to accept.
The idea that no one was going to rescue me from my circumstances is
an idea that I might never have accepted. That idea sounded too much
like the final abandonment.

The truth is, that…. NOBODY IS COMING.

It’s very important to understand and accept it. It’s the basis of everything. After having realized it, the thought that “ME” it’s enough, is very strong. In this moment you understand that you don’t need anyone to come to solve your problems.

Long time ago I was waiting for somebody to rescue me. I had to be patient. I was waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

And waiting.

And.

Nobody came.

So finally I started to learn to fight alone. And I’m still doing this. And it’s so ok. I’m responsible for my troubles and succes. And it’s good.

And paradoxically, from that position of independence, truly great
relationships can be built, because they aren’t based on dependency and
fear. They are based on mutual independence and love.”

So, I could only advise to every one – don’t project your expectations on others. It’s us who do everything for us. Let’s do it like this, and it will be more time and possibilities to enjoy the rest of the things with other people.

 

Let’s talk about love

I just discovered one beautiful thing about love. I suspect about its existance, but I felt it today in my heart.

Fatima in “The alchemist” said, that love doesn’t need the reason. You love, because you love. And I felt like the love doesn’t even need beloved person to be with me. I love, and I love despite of not being able to show my love and to express it. I love anyway. And I will be as long as I’m able to love like this. Maybe one day it will disolve. Or no. I don’t know. But now my love has become less selfish.

Step 38. Learn to come from behind

Two steps forward, one step back. Two steps forward, one step back. Two steps forward, one step back. Two steps forward…

Do you know what is it?

The rythm of our lives. Sometimes we do good. Sometimes we fail. It´s a fact. Knowing this, we should be aware of what can happen and be ready for it. Life doesn’t go straight line. It would be boring like this.

However, people get discouraged when they slide a step back after two
steps forward. They think they are failing, and that they’ve lost it. But
they have not. They’re simply in step with the natural rhythm of
progress. Once you understand this rhythm, you can work with it
instead of against it. You can plan the step back.”

I was getting discouraged every time I slided a step back. I really thought I was failing. My gaze was short, I was not looking to long perspective, I was focusing on the short one. So funny now to observe me from outside and laugh at me, from HOW stupid I was. You should really look very good for the second the same stupid person as me! God, everything is so obvious now, and I had to lose everything I had to understand this. Why? What good is waiting for me for having committed such damn things?

S.Chandler says, that optimistic people are always ready for renewal. They new in advance that they are going to run out of energy. Pesimists do opposite – they don’t think they will run out of energy. Their way of thinking is all-or-nothing. That’s me! That’s definitely me!

Pesimists 
always offended when the world is not perfect. They think taking a step
backward means something negative about the whole project. “If this
were a good marriage, we wouldn’t have to rekindle the romance,” a
pessimist would say, dismissing the idea of taking a second honeymoon.”

And optimists in this kind of situations have creative way to deal with them. They always know, that there are going to be ups and downs in their way.

Until today I thought, that life is like a straight line – something is bad, but later it becomes good and it lasts always, until it becomes bad again. I never thought about going two steps forward and one back, and that it’s normal, and it has to be like this.

I’m growing so much these weeks. Discovering steps here, reading books (although, I don’t have too much time to read a lot of books, but the most important – the little prince and alchemist I’ve already read), going to classes and psychologist, I’m recovering myself. Maybe I shouldn’t tell RECOVERING anymore, because nobody knows how long is this process and when it finishes. I should start using the word LIVING MY NEW LIFE, instead. When doing so, everything sounds different 🙂 It seems, every second my past is further and further from my present.

On the other hand, I don’t know how much of these lessons are already inside of me. I don’t know how would I manage new difficulties. But at the moment I don’t want them, I want to get used to the new me. And in january I will have new challenges. I already have the tickets to San Sebastian – 4th of January I’m leaving for 2 months! 38 days left. I was missing this count of days.

Step 37. Make a relation-shift

Well, today’s lesson is quite altruistic one – share the knowledge. Not any knowledge you have – but the self-motivation one. S.Chanlder says, that we become even more motivated if we share ideas with others. By doing this, we grow ourselves.

Some weeks ago I was telling to my psychologist, that I feel like if somebody would come to me and ask for advise, I couldn’t give one to him, I couldn’t motivate him. I would just say: “Yes, everything is bad and it will only get worse. Nothing has a meaning in this life, so it will be better if you don’t exist.” That’s how I felt this time. Now I would say different things. Maybe I wouldn’t inspire anyone, my life is not very inspirational one, but at least I could prove, that life is beautiful. Pase lo que pase, la vida es bella. Nesvarbu, kas benutiktų, gyvenimas yra gražus. The most important – is to learn to read it and take it’s signs as lessons, not as punishments.

When we get to know something, we grow. But if we only keep this knowledge to ourselves, it starts to stink. It stays there closed, without any posibility to escape, and at the end it loses it’s meaning. Nothing belongs to us – we adquire something, we keep until is needed and later we let it go. The good thing of knowledge is that even if we share, it doesn’t disolve, it just gets more colors. And how amazing is the feeling of sharing!!!

Maybe this was one of the reasons of this blog. I didn’t expect to get so many likes (more than a 100 already! Thanks to all!), and readers, I just did it for me and thinking, maybe somebody would find it motivational in some aspect. Basically, it’s my personal path to new life and new me. But when sharing it, I see more meaning and I really feel more motivated to go on doing it.

Short story about positive attitude

Positive Attitude
~~ Author Unknown~~

 

She is 92 years old, petite, well poised, and proud. She is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with her hair fashionably coifed, and her makeup perfectly applied, in spite of the fact she is legally blind. Today she has moved to a nursing home. Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making this move necessary.

After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, where I am employed, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready. As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet curtains that had been hung on her window. “I love it,” she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year old having just been presented with a new puppy. “Mrs. Jones, you haven’t seen the room….just wait,” I said. Then she spoke these words that I will never forget: “That does not have anything to do with it,” she gently replied. “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like the room or not, does not depend on how the furniture is arranged. It is how I arrange my mind. I have already decided to love it. It is a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice. I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or I can get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do work. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I will focus on the new day and all of the happy memories I have stored away….just for this time in my life.

 

Originally taken from here

Step 35. Open your present

… sometimes it seems so hard to leave the past behind, because we stay in emptiness. Sometimes it seems, like getting back to the past and living there, helps to change the present or even make an impact to the future. Sometimes it seems, if I leave my past behind, it means that I accept everything and I give up. I feel like I’m not fighting if I stop getting back there.

When I dig deeper, I find out, that it’s a mistake to think like this. Not letting the past go is like carrying the old luggage which is not necesarry anymore, just weights a lot, makes troubles of moving further, but doesn’t help in any case. Leaving it would cause some troubles in first moments – it would feel strange to walk without it, there would be some feeling of emptiness, fear and insecurity. But step after step when getting used to walk without it, the feeling of freedom would arrive.

Practice being awake in the present moment. Make the most of your
awareness of this hour. Don’t live in the past (unless you want guilt) or
worry about the future (unless you want fear), but stay focused on
today (in case you want happiness).”

I’ve always been past-oriented person. I was focused on my past, on what’s happened and how did it influence my life. I never thought about leaving my past and looking forward, and moving on. It was like easier way – to feel sorry for myself and to put an excuse, that TODAY I’m not happy because YESTERDAY it happened something bad.

I don’t know where did it come from. Maybe from my country – I was raised by the mother who grew up in Soviet Union, where it was quite a difficult time. I was born in Soviet Union, and I was 5 years old when it fell. I don’t know where it comes from, but I don’t care anymore – I have localised the problem and I’m working on it.

Human mind is hard thing, you have to be strong to control it. But once you manage to do it, freedom comes. I think, I’m on my way to it, but I haven’t arrived yet. I’m still getting back to my close past and thinking about my previous relationships, looking for the reasons of its end, thinking what my ex is thinking and how is he feeling, sometimes feeling sad guessing that probably he is fully recovered as yesterday was already 3 months of the break. It’s not I don’t feel happy if he is ok, is more of not being able to control my mind and stop wondering whether he still thinks about me or not. Sometimes I feel I need some advice from the guy, who could explain me about the men brain. On the other hand I understand that everybody is different, so there is no one model of thinking.

I’m wondering… When I was in Madrid in October, he told me that at the moment it’s enough for him to communicate very little with me – just as with his best friend – talk from time to time every few months. But since I left, he’s been starting the conversation every once a week, every 7-10 days. I don’t understand, why he still needs to keep me updated about his life and keep him updated about mine? I know that we split like civilised persons, but anyway, why does he need so intensive communication? He is not calling to any of his friends every week…

I think, this is my luggage, which I still can’t leave behind. I don’t know why. I almots don’t expect any more that someday he comes back and says it was a mistake, and let’s try again. I think, the more time passes, the further we are and that’s where the end comes. So I’m keeping this tiny communication… I don’t even know why. Maybe experimenting my feelings and learning to control my words? Maybe in this way I’m learning patience? I just don’t want to cross the line and make more harm for me. I’ll see how everything will be going on later and maybe I’ll cut of this communication. We can’t be friends in our case. Generally, I think, that in very few cases ex couples could stay  friends. What do you think?

So, as coming back to the topic, staying in the past doesn’t bring anything positive, because we are wasting our energy to some things which can’t be changed, we start to feel guilty, sorry for ourselves and stop thinking that the present is given for changing something. Everytime I feel I’m starting to think about my past, how nice it was and how bad is now, I’m trying to stop doing it and find what is good now. And there are good things now as well. For example, my plans for going to Basque Country. I don’t know how it will be there, but I’m sure, the change of environment, fresh-air in my everyday life will bring me new energy. I’ll be again with new people in new place. And even I’ll know spanish, but I won’t know euskera. And I will try to learn it.

I’m very glad, that I can notice the change in my well-being. Couple of months ago the most I could plan, was what will I do in couple of hours. Later I could plan next day, but I was never sure whether I do what I have planned. Now I’m planning what I will be doing in couple of months. And more, I’m leaving my COMFORT ZONE, and going somewhere for 2 months. Two months ago I didn’t want to leave my home for more than 5 hours and later I needed to come back to MY PLACE, MY COMFORT ZONE. That’s a huge step forward.

This change is not because of passing time, but also of conscious work with myself. I’m trying every day, one day more, other less, but I’m keeping the path I’ve started with this 100 days to self-motivation adventure. And I’m really glad and thankful, that people have joined me and they are following my journey. Maybe they even adapt some of the steps to their lifes.