My head is almost exploding from the amount of thoughts and feelings.
- As talking about my ex, it still hurts to realize that everything was not how I believed it was, I don’t like the feeling, when I don’t understand something or don’t find some logic in it. On the other hand, day by day, I’m accepting it, I’m letting it go, and creating my own daily life, not based on waiting for him to call me. This won’t happen. So I have to move, show must go on.
- I am good as I am. I don’t need anyone to hug me now, to kiss or to flirt with. I’m good knowing that I’m meeting some people from time to time, they are from different environments and I don’t have any commitments with them.
- I kow that I am the one to control me and my thoughts, I can direct them to one or another direction. It’s a great discovery, because all the time I was thinking that this ability is for special people, not me. And it appears, that there are not special people. We all are the same with igual possibilities.
- I came back to volunteering, we’ve prepared one project and we’re waiting to see if it’s confirmed. If so, some little job is going to be offered for us.
- I am back to my little work – spanish-lithuanian translations. It’s very little money, but it’s some responsibility and activity.
- Today it will be the second time when I cook!
- I was writing almost every day. At least one post a day. God, I was really bad if I’m still on the thing I’ve started! 🙂
- And… January-February I will live in Basque Country in Spain, where I will be having my master’s practice! Just now I’m checking flight prices, accommodation and all that stuff, which makes me wait for it even more. That feeling, feeling of moving, waiting and expecting… I was missing it so much!
I’m still go on learning. The most important, to be patient, not to force anything. I read yesterday – the nature is not in a hurry and everything is made there on time. Damn true.
Am I happy? I don’t know. I still have that desert feeling in my heart, I still feel a bit dead inside. On the other hand, maybe the appearance of waiting and expecting maybe shows that I’m awakening little by little. I don’t know, but I really don’t care anymore. At the moment I’m good. At later we’ll see.