Home » Steps » Step 27. Create the way you relate

Step 27. Create the way you relate

We can’t relate to others if our relationship with
ourselves is poor. A commitment to personal motivation comes first.”

So true. Basically, it’s the reason why I’m not with my ex. Finally,  I have found it. Ironic, he was used to say this to me, but probably I was too small and not ready to hear it. Now I know. And I understand him.

I don’t call the “old me” the unhappy one. But “old me” was past-oriented me, lacking of motivation, not looking forward, not having some hopes and not trying to do things, just giving up to some short-term aims. I didn’t have relationship with myself. I didn’t know who I am, how I am, where am I going, why am I doing this or that.

The “new me” which is being born now, is learning not to be past-oriented. It’s so strange, when all the time I’m having a feeling like I’m observing myself from outside. It’s like I’m following all my movements, controling them and later reflecting on them. Everytime I get a negative thought, I catch it look at it and think: “What do I want to do with you – keep you and let you stay a bit longer, or I throw you?” Sometimes I do one or another thing. But I’m always aware what’s happening. I have to admit, it’s a great feeling.

I’m also trying to cut my living on short term aims and look for a long term one. Well, at this moment it’s still a bit hard, ’cause I’m still recovering from the break up, but I’m moving, and moving a lot. And well, actually, my this moment long-time aim could be full recovery and the start to create my life again or get back with my ex, just being new me.

My short-middle time aim is to create a relationship with myself, to be able to do so with other person. Actually, I’m on it. I guess, I’m moving more and more, sometimes with ups and downs, but more important, that I’m moving forward, not backward.

Later, when the relationship with ourselves is created, S.Chandler offers to use creativity when relating with others.

When we view relationships as opportunities for creativity, they always
get better. When our relationships get better, we are even more

And, instead of the end, something to think about – we create the relationships we have in the way we want.

When there’s a
relationship problem to be solved, travel up your ladder to the most
creative you. You’ll soon realize that we create the relationships we
have in our lives; they don’t just happen.”



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