Step 66. Make somebody’s day

“You cannot live a perfect day, without doing something for
someone who will never be able to repay you.”

I found a very nice idea – to make a “surprise” for someone who doesn’t know where does this surprise come. To make that person believe in success. Be the source of success. Make somebody believe that luck exists.

If I could support somebody financially, I would do that. Anonimously. I hope someday I will be able. And then the circle of help would turn around and I would be lucky do.

It’s true – the joy hides in giving.

“When you get lucky, you’ll get more motivated, because you feel like
the universe is more on your side. Experiment with this a little. Don’t be
imprisoned by cynicism posing as rationality on this subject. See what
happens to you when you make other people get lucky.”

Maybe this is the most suitable step for the last day of the year – to remind everyone that if in some moments we feel lucky, it’s maybe because somebody made an effort for us to feel so. So we should not make this circle stop and be the source of success to other. It doesn’t have to be some material thing, it can be a nice word, help, support, smile, hug. Anything.

2013

 

Step 65. Promise the moon

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There is one good joke in Lithuania:

Guy says to his girlfried: darling, I love you so much, I could do everything for you. I would pick all the flowers for you, I would cross all rivers and oceans for you, I would sing all love songs for you, I would bring you the moon…. If it won’t rain on Sunday, I’ll come to see you.”

This is what happens with all those nice words when we use them without meaning them.

BUT.

When we mean what we say, it has a very strong impact. S.Chandler claims, that promising a big thing, makes us do it, because it is a promise, it’s not a word “I will try, I hope I could do it”, no it’s “I promise I will do it”.

When I was finishing my school, I told my mother and to myself: “I will eat bread, drink water and live on the floor in my university, but I’m going to Vilnius and I’m going to study journalism”. And I did so. I didn’t bread or drink water, but yes, sometimes I was having financially hard times and I had to solve all those things. But my promise was to go to Vilnius, live and study there. Study not something, but the subject I wanted.

Before, going to the music school, I was also having some compromises with me – to learn to play, to prepare for the classes. I was doing quite fine there.

What did it happen that last few years I was so weak and I was living withouth promises? Why it’s easier to promise and keep that promise if you make it to other, not to yourself? Could it come from school? At school if you don’t do something you are asked, you are punished. But they never teach you to promise to yourself and keep those promises. Quite often I was having this kind of commitments and sometimes, when having difficulties to fullfill them, I was thinking: “But it’s only for me, nothing will happen if I won’t do that…” Bah… such a terrible thought. Of course, it didn’t happen anything. Almost. I just lost self-confidence, stopped making promises…

Ok, then for the next year, starting just right now, I am promising myself to promise MYSELF the moon. And I’ll get that moon. Soon I’ll write what does the “moon” mean.

 

 

Step 64. Get your soul to talk

409148_10151214692379528_814817204_nMost people don’t talk to themselves at all. They listen to the radio,
watch TV, gossip, and fill up on the words and thoughts of other people
all day long. But it’s impossible to indulge in that kind of activity and
also get motivated. Motivation is something you talk yourself into.”

I’ve been running from myself for a lot of time. I was afraid to face me up. That took me to the mess and the situation I am now. But it doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is that every time there is a possibility to make a change. And now it’s the best time – new year, new ilusions, new soul talks…

I don’t think it’s necessary to try to convince ourselves with something by saying: “You’re good, you’re good, you’re good… ” It’s better to talk, to find out the things which make us good and do them. Maybe it takes more time, but it’s more effective. I’ve been trying to convince me, but at the end when I saw how useless it was, I felt even worse than before the convincing.

So, maybe this is my first promise for the upcoming year. I’ll talk to myself more. I’ll spend more time on reflecting what’s happening in my life, how does it make me feel and if I’m still controling it. I won’t try to it it more, I will do.

I saw how useful is to reflect, observe and to be honest. These months were one big reflection on me and my life. I want to go on with it.

Step 63. Try to sell your home

costa rica buildingWhen I feel unsafe, I go home. I hide myself in the deepest corner of my four walls and I don’t go out until I don’t feel safe.

But what if my house is not a home? What if I don’t feel comfortable there? What if I’m homeless? Where to look for a place to hide then?

The answer is both: easy and complicated. Create a home inside myself. Clean it from bad habits, make the ones which I like and enjoy. Make this place welcome, make this place always be waiting for me to come back.

Nobody can live without a place to come back when something is wrong. Or good. Doesn’t matter.

This doesn’t appear from one day to another. It’s a process of step by step. Little by little.

Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to get rid of bad habits: they make us feel like home, ’cause we are used to have them. And when we are trying to change them, it seems something unnatural – not home.

“It’s very hard to leave home—many of us try and fail many times”, – says S.Chandler.

I need to create a new home, new house. The one I was living in, was a mess, some misunderstanding. NOW, since I”m conscious enough, I have to build a new houce, based on focusing on me and my goals, on creating new me in a way I want.

Identify the habits that keep you trapped. Identify what you have
decided is your final personality and accept that it might be a hasty
construction built only to keep you safe from risk and growth. Once
you’ve done that, you can leave. You can get the blueprints out and
create the home you really want.”

I feel so on-fire and motivated when I’m realising, that my happiness and motivation is in my hands. When I know, that I can control it and I can choose my everyday. I’m getting stronger these months, and making myself ready to face up a world again. In one week and one day I’m going to be in a plane. Again. Hopefully, not for the last time next year.

And.

Out of topic.

My ex said he still loves me.

It doesn’t change anything. He is still my ex.

But He loves me. Still.

That’s the most important.

 

Step 62. Bring on a good coach

“Something  lives inside of all of us,
something he called “the voice.” When you wake up in the morning, the
voice is there right away, telling you that you are too tired to get up or
too sick to go to work. During a sales meeting when you are just about
to say something bold to a client, the voice might tell you to cool it.
“Hold back.” “Be careful.”
“The trick is,” said Steve, “to not ignore or deny the existence of the
voice. Because it’s there, in all of us. No one is free of the voice.
However, you don’t have to obey the voice. You can talk back to the
voice. And when you really get good, you can even talk trash to the
voice. 

Make fun of it. Ridicule it. Point out how stupid it is. And once you get
into that way of debating your own doubts, you start to take back
control of your life.”

let’s rise a glass of hot/cold/red/white wine/beer/champain/whiskey/vodka/etc. for our voices and our ability to discuss with them. It’s WE who put the orders to ourselves. WE are our personal coaches, everytime we are ready to hear everything about us. Let’s never forget it!

Step 61. Swim laps underwater

An active mind cannot exist in an inactive
body” – S.Chandler

That’s one more S.Chandler’s true. Lately I feel like I need psysical activities, as I’m sitting at home all day and working with computer or reading books. I need to take a rest from mental work and move my ass a bit.

Sometimes, all you need is the air that you breathe to motivate yourself.
Going for a run or a walk or simply deep breathing gives the brain the
fuel it feeds on to be newly refreshed and creative.”

These pysical activities are going to be included into my next year plan. As in 12 days I’m going to be in San Sebastian, I’m planning to go to run every morning, or if not every, then 3-4 times a week. The weather is going to be better there, even it’s raining.

I remembered the joy of running when I was writing my last post about 5km running in Madrid last year. So I will definitely come back to sports not only for me, but also for my brain!

Merry Christmas everyone!

image001

 

Step 60. Paint your masterpiece today

Pct2_0_detail

How many times we ask ourselves “who’s the boss? Me or my lack of motivation”?

Last year, when I was getting prepared for 5km solidarity running in Madrid (I’ve never run more than 1,5km, and it was only at school, 10 years ago), I had just 2,5 week to get ready. I started slowly, I thought, that to run 400m without a stop was an achievement. I was proud of me. Later I started with some program and last day before the running I did 4km. I didn’t do more just because I was a bit lazy. That day I was running, listening to Coldplay “Viva la vida” (it is said, that Pep Guardiola was used to motivate “Barcelona” football players with this song), I was tired like hell after 3,5km, but I asked myself:

“Who’s the boss? You or your body?”

And I said: “Me!!!!” 

It followed next thought: “So, then behave like a boss!” And I ran. Until the end.

In the day of real running, I was listening to Michael Jackson and I did all 5km. Non-stop.

What I want to say, is that in that situation I found, who was the one who controls it – it was me. My success or my failure depended only on me. I chose to succeed. I could have chosen to fail.

Like this, I should have behaved the rest of last year. Paint my masterpiece everyday. Wake up and think, what could I do to make my day great, not to depend on the circumstances, not to react to some events, but to create them.

The more conscious we are of our freedom to paint whatever we want
on our canvas, the less we go through life as a victim of circumstances.
Many of us aren’t even aware of our own victim status. We read
whatever’s on the coffee table, listen to whatever’s on the car radio, eat
whatever’s handy, scan whatever’s on the Internet, talk to whomever
calls us on the phone, and watch whatever’s on the television—often
too passive to even click the remote control.
We must be aware that we have it in us to change all that. We can paint
our day our way.

Everything has an impact on us: sad music, movies, news, people… we have to control it somehow. There shouldn’t be any BUT in our daily life. “I’d like to do that, BUT I can’t, because….” That sucks.

It’s still hard to believe what kind of life I’ve been living the past few years. Damn, I’m not surprised at all, that finally it has come the moment when I lost everything. No one is so saint to stay with the person like me. And now, when there’s is nothing to lose, I can make some changes.

I was not waiting for new years. And I’m not still. In that sence of a huge party, festival, or whatever. I’m waiting to make new promised for me, finally to start to work on me, and start everything with a white canvas. I even have atitle for next year: “Year for me and my life.” Or something like that. I need to recreate myself. Something was not working before.

 

 

Step 59. Upgrade your old habits

habitsHey, as the world hasn’t ended today (AGAIN!), we should go on towards the self-motivation. Happy survivers!

This step is SOOOOOOO on time! New year is coming… new promises are being made.. and they are going to fail. AGAIN. We won’t even be angry, because we already know what’s going to happen. We just expect – maybe not this time? Maybe this time I’ll succeed?

Nothing is impossible, indeed.

I’ve never thought about it, but there were a lot of things I haven’t thought about until this year. So, I’ve already written in one of the first topics about bouncing the thoughts and trying to look towards the things through upside-down view, that it’s important to be able to change the thoughts from one side to another – from negative to positive, to be able to look to them from the different angle. Now we go further – we look to our bad habits. Oh, don’t lie to yourself that you don’t have one! Everybody does. And you know what, it seems, that nothing is wrong to have a bad habit. It means, that it satisfies some needs. For example, smoking could satisfy the need to relax when somebody is anxious, alcohol can satisfy the need to be brave when somebody is shy. All habits have some function. That’s why we can’t get rid of them.

Bad habits simply cannot be broken. Nor can they
be gotten rid of. Ask the millions who continue to try. They always end
up, in the words of Richard Brautigan, “trying to shovel mercury with a
pitchfork,” because our bad habits exist for good reasons. They’re there
to do something for us, even if that something ends up being
self-destructive. Down deep, even a bad habit is trying to make us
operate better.”

Oh, no, this seems bad. If bad habits are impossible to get rid of, what’s going to happen? Will I always be so lazy and horribly managing my time? It could be so. Or no.

What I should do (and anyone who would agree with me), is to FIND OUT the FUNCTION of that habit and try to replace it with something new which satisfies the same need.

Subconsciously you don’t think your bad habits are bad! And that’s
because they’re filling a perceived need. So the way to strengthen
yourself is to identify the need and honor it. Honor the need by
replacing the current habit with one that is healthier and more
effective. Replace one habit, and soon you’ll be motivated to replace
another.”

Sounds easy? Not at all. But that’s why the working on ourselves is needed.

On Sunday I’ll try to make out a list of my old habits and find out their functions. Let’s see what happens.

Stay tuned.

“Trying to move toward the life we want
while dragging along our bad habits was described in the Scottish rock
group Del Amitri’s song lyrics, “It’s like driving with the brakes on, it’s
like swimming with your boots on…”

Step 58. Embrace the new frontier

trainingIf you can cultivate your skills, keep learning new things, study
computers, learn a foreign language, or become expert in a foreign
culture and market—you can make yourself useful.”

Those are our new frontiers – to keep on growing and never stop. The world has changed, the new skills are needed. And not only for a job,  to learn something is like to open new doors – you never know what hides behind.

 

I have lots of things to learn. Languages, self-control, working on objectives… So many things to reflect and to put as objectives for next year…