It has passed another 30 days, it’s time to take a look how was it and to compare with October.
- There was a moment in the start of this month when I felt like I’m not moving on, that I’m lying to myself and that everything is stupid. That was some moment of desperation. I was keeping my self well, but somehow on sundays I was starting to cry with no reason, and losing my motivation again. But later I managed to concentrate myself and since them everything is quite fine. Especially this week.
- I see huge difference between ME in October and ME now.
- I realised, that until now, at least last sunday, I can’t drink alcohol. Not even a little bit a beer, because my brain relaxes and I start to think bad things again. 🙂 On the other hand, after I had some corrections in my mind, I think, it won’t affect me anymore.
- I was thinking lately, maybe I should cut our communication with my ex, ’cause it has no point, etc. Few days ago we talked and he said, that he sent me a birthday present. I was so suprised, I didn’t know how to react. We talked a bit about our communication, etc. It was very nice conversation indeed. After it I started to realize and change my point of view. I though – why shoud I think that it’s bad if we communicate and keep in touch? But it’s good! It means, we are grown up people, who still respect each other and are able to keep the relationships in this situation. And it’s a pleasure to be his friend. Of course, we have limits, we don’t talk about some things, but at the end it’s normal. So, I changed my point of view and instead of being unhappy for being JUST a friend, I started to be happy that I’m AT LEAST a friend. It could have been that we fight and we split without even saying a nice word to each other.
- Being able to change the point of view and instead of thinking what I don’t have but I’d like to have, I managed this month to think about what I have and what could I do with what I have. This is a very big step and I’m very proud of me for having done this. I wish to myself to keep on this path.
- I could say, that November was very good month – it passed very fast, I even haven’t realized it. I started to make plans, I started to cook and go shopping this month, I changed my room. In short words – I was doing things this month.
- Ok, yes, sometimes I still get impatient, I start to think – so if everything is changed now, why I’m still without him? But I catch myself thinking this and take these thoughts away. I’m convincing me that time will show. It’s hard to wait, but I have to accept it because there is no other way.
- I’m still in my blog, writing almost every day. In 7 days I’ll reach 50 day already. When I look back, I see how huge job is already done! I remember myself in September, thinking that this pain won’t ever pass, and now I’m even feeling good.
- Other thing of my better state is the fact, that some month or more ago, I felt a bit bad and I started to write a letter to my ex. It was a moment when I was angry at him. But one moment I said to myself: “If I’m saying that I’m doing things differently, why am I writing a letter? Let’s wait a bit and if I see that I really can’t live without sending it, I will send.” So, until now I have this letter unsent. I was adding some things, later cutting them, editing. And at the moment I have quite new letter based on the old one 🙂 I will send it to him, but it will be more for Christmas, and some nice and warm things than something else. I wil even invite him to visit me in Basque Country if he will consider it necessary, or if he wants. It won’t be a problem anymore for him.
- I don’t know whether I’m happy, or no. At the moment I’m proud of me that I’m doing fine, that I’m managing good and I’m keeping my life and I still have this wish to live. Not to exist, but to live. While I have it, I will be doing better and better. The rest of the things will come with time.
So now, with new thoughts and curiosity, I’m facing up the last month of the year!