How? By asking:
“How can I use this?” or “What
might be good about this?”
Today is a special day: I’ve finished my first semester on master. After 3 years of break after my bachelorus.
It was a hard semester. Very hard. Not by the meaning of difficulcy of the subjects. No, hard, because 6 days before I started it, it was that huge break with my ex… Painful. Full of lost. Well, in short – I had hard time and I had to start studies, meet new people, make some relationships with them, etc.
And in these moments I had to make my trouble work for me – I hadn’t had other option.
There were fails. For example, I haven’t finished french classes, I’ve failed driving exam.
But the rest… The results of 3 exams are 10, 10 and 9. I haven’t had these results even when I was studying journalism, what was way easier!
Since I came back from Madrid and created this blog, I focused on studies, on daily posting – my trouble worked for me in organising my time, finding something what I haven’t done before.
I got to know myself better, I’ve discovered some important things. I’ve started to observe my feelings and understand my states of mind.
I’ve created some relationships. I don’t know how long they would last, but at least I’ve created some outside of the classroom. I mean, they are my classmates, but we are in touch even outside of it.
I’ve found, that I have one friend. She is next to me all the time I need. She’s been supporting me all this time. Everytime I was getting desesperated, and crying and being nervous, she always talked to me, she always was next to me. Via skype. Even though we live next to each other 🙂 I don’t know what would have happened with me if I wouldn’t have had her.
I think, without this trouble I wouldn’t have found all these things. So, it’s a good part.
And,well. I found the answer. I guess so.
I found the answer, why the person, who was used to say that I’m the most important person in his life, left me and doesn’t want to fix the mistakes we both had committed. I guess, the wish to fight and to fix mistakes dissapears when there is no love anymore. All this time I believed he still loved me. But I guess, I was wrong. Or, I can’t explain this situation in any other way.
But, this is the past. It does affect a bit my present, but just a bit.
And tomorrow is my birthday. Not special day at all. But some kind of ritual, or something, when I want to make new promises, have new hopes and believe in new page of my life… This time in december is so. Tomorrow it won’t be special day at all. I’ll stay at home all day (there are snow storms in Lithuania and it’s VERY cold outside), read books, watch movies, make plans. I’ll be alone. I don’t even have this feeling of birthday coming. Just other day, like many others. 🙂 I’ll try to meet it calm and ready for one more new year..
So, what else can you do to make your trouble work for you? It shouldn´t be opposite.