Reflextions on 30 days experiment

P1080261One of the main things in non-formal education is the reflextions after something is done. N0n-formal education is based on learning through the personal experience, so it is very important to see what was done, evaluate it, reflect and see what could be done next time. If there is no reflextion, some important part is missing and no further learning can happen.

So, it’s time to face my experiment and what was done.

Actually, the only thing I did, was taking pictures 30 days. Even thought, it was not everyday. The rest of the things.. I failed. On the other  hand, I understood, that my mistake was to take so many aims and try to fullfill them. I should have taken one, and do it good.

The process of experiment was probably like any others- in the start I was motivated and with ideas about taking pictures, I was waiting for a new day to come to be able to take one more picture, to learn something new. But as the time was passing by, my motivation was getting lower, sometimes I wasn’t even carrying my camera, just phone. And I was not trying to take a GOOD picture, I was doing ANY shot just to be calm with myself that I did a task of the day.

On the other hand, these kind of self-compromises made me grow, or at least thinking about it 😀 It’s like some little tasks for the day which should be completed and which bring me step by step to some bigger picture.

So, in general, this experiment confirmed my weak points (looking and finding excuses for not to do something), but also let me understand once again that things are being done little by little, step by step and only efforts and patience help them to come out.

I was having an idea to go on with the experiment and do other thing next 30 days, but at the moment I’m quite busy with my final papers, so I know that I won’t be able to do it. In few weeks I will start something new. Well, actually, in few weeks I’m moving again…

Next post will tell where and for how long… 🙂

How were these 100 days towards self motivation?

388497_558397487514755_529650702_nI know, it’s been a while I haven’t written. There is no excuse to this – I was not so busy moving back from Basque country to Lituania, I was not too busy getting back to the studies and meeting friends. I was just without some fire, without motivation to write and to reflect, so I decided to wait a while and do it later. So now is the moment.

How were all these days of my experiment? I started it in the middle of October. To be more precise – the 13th of October. It was saturday. I had a terrible hangover after drinking whiskey all night with my friend and friends of her. The consequence of this was that I overslept the next days french test. No matter, having a good time sometimes requires some sacrificies.

Just that week, tuesday to thursday I was in Madrid, trying to talk to my ex boyfriend, try to understand why we broke and if he really feels sure about this, if he doesn’t even want to try and to show him how much I care – coming from Lithuania to Spain for one day and a half is not so easy and cheap plan 🙂

Anyway, that week, after talking to my ex, I saw that I’ve done everything and that there is no way to get the relationship back and what I have to do – is to move forward. I was dead inside, I knew what I have to do, but I didn’t have any idea HOW. I didn’t feel anything inside of me, I didn’t have any motivation, I was not concentrated at all, I didn’t have the aim for anything.

So one day I started to look on the internet the ways of motivating myself, even though I didn’t believe in these things. Suddenly I found this book “100 ways to motivate yourself” (S.Chandler) and I downloaded it. I thought – if I read it, nothing will happen. I need to do something else. I don’t need only to read it, I’ve lost everything I had in my life, so now it’s time to act and recover at least something. That’s how the idea of blog has apperead. Writting a blog was some kind of compromise with myself, some duty which I was suppose to do everyday. Even though I knew that if I stop, I will dissapoint only me, I told to myself – this time you MUST do this, you can’t fail again. Are you able to do at least one thing in your life good? So I started. I was conscious about all the process. I knew that firstly I will be excited and motivated of writing everyday, lately I will start to think how stupid and useless it is, how I’m wasting my time, etc. I knew, that I will have to pass through these doubts in order to get to the moment when writing becomes my habit and responsability. And it did.

If I had to name all the steps I had to do during these months, I wouldn’t. It’s not I’ve done everything, but some of them stayed in my mind. First of all, it’s step 1. Get on yourdeathbed. I remember that day I was writing this and how much I put myself into it. I has changed everything. Since that moment I started to think differently about the people who suround me, I started to try to give more, expect less and accept the different ways they are with me.

Step 4. Keep your eyes on the prize. The other post which moved me. Until now I am amazed how the concentration on the goals is working. I noticed, that I was concentrated on one goal, but later I was getting prizes from the other, which was not my goal exactly. I will explain it soon.

Step 14.Bounce your thoughts. It’s about changing the way of thinking, like we change the hand in which we have the ball. Sometimes we say “I can’t” just because we’ve never tried. If we try, we se that we can.

Actually, a lot of useful steps have been during all these 100 days. But the most important is not the content, but that I managed to make a habit to reflect about them everyday, which made my life full not only of studies, but also of some other things. I had to keep myself conscious all the time, so I could be able to recognize my feelings and work with them.

I did something wrong. Or, let’s say, I haven’t done something until the end. I still organize my time bad and don’t pay too much attention to my mind again, sometimes I feel again that I’m losing the control of my daily life and it controls me, so I’m just reacting, which is not good. The good point is that I’m realising it and I can change it. Every moment.

I created this blog, because I wanted to get rid of the painful break up with the most important person in my life. My first idea was to make  100 steps and show him what I’m capable of , and that there was no point to leave me for the reasons he said. Later I decided that what I’m doing is for me, not for him, and if he is happy without me, he loses a lot, but I hope he wins more. It’s painful to realize that someone you used to share you life with is better without you, but it’s the reality and everything is perfect just in fairy tales. And the only one thing I want for the person I still love – him to be happy.

Few months ago, in October, I was broken. I was apathetic. I hadn’t had the joy of life. I didn’t want to be with the people. I couldn’t leave my home for more than a few hours, later I needed to come back, lay down in my bed and watch to the ceiling. My psychologist told me once that the feelings I’m decribing to her, bring to depresion and that she’s worried about me. I failed driving exam. I left french classes. I spent a lot of money for buying plane tickets and not using them. I almost didn’t eat anything for a couple of months and I lost about 7kg. My eyes were emotionless, I didn’t have any needs.

Somehow I managed to put my eye on my studies and it was the only one thing that I was interested in. I don’t know why, maybe I didn’t want to fail also here, I don’t know. But it helped me and the big concentration soon came up with results.

First of all, I’m getting a monthly scholarship. It’s not huge amount of money, but it’s a first time in my life and it’s a great motivation. Secondly, I spent couple of months in Basque country, thanks to my studies. There I didn’t do a great job in investigation, but I recovered the part of myself.

So today, after 5 months and a half since the start of this blog, I’m fixing myself after being broken. I recovered the joy of life. I wake up  in the morning and my first thought is not about my ex that he is still sleeping, but about  this day, or just something like “oh no, let’s sleep 5 minutes more!” I have new friends, who enjoy spending time with me. I recovered my self-esteem. I spent few months outside my comfort zone in Lithuania and made new friends there. I was even able to start to like a guy whom I’m going to visit to Poland in few days. At the end he is my friend, and we’ll never be a couple, but I’m glad to have him as a friend. I feel peace inside of me. I’m calm. I don’t know what happens tomorrow, but I try to do the best today to have better tomorrow. I’m going to study to Denmark, to Copenhagen next semester. I’ve never been to Denmark! My friend said that my face and my eyes are different. I feel them different, like more shinny. I feel happy! And no matter, that everything I have now, I call “Plan B. Less bad.” Less bad… And no matter that I would refuse probably everything if I could hug and kiss my ex boyfriend again. No matter that  I badly want his eyes to be fixed on me and full of love like before. I don’t have this anymore, but I have other things, so I chose to take them and move instead of staying in the past.

And yes, sometimes I’m still crying during the nights. I cut the communication with him, because I felt that I’m way better when I’m not in touch with him. At least now. Yes, sometimes I get sad. But then I let myself feel. I’m not controling myself. I cry, I drawn in memories. But in the morning I wake up, look through the window, dress up and go to the university, where I know that I will meet my friends and have some interesting classes about social anthropology. I have plans for the close future – Poland next week, maybe Basque country this summer, Denmark from September… Scholarship every month. This year is going better than I expected. Last year took everyting I had, this one is giving everything I hadn’t before.

I don’t know if some conclusion is needed. During this time I hope that I’ve learned to accept the things they are, because not accepting means putting yourself in a meaningless trouble. Everything has a meaning. Good things have price and bad things – awards. Sooner or later. All you need is a patience.

 

How was February?

Español: Montes nevados en Bilbao, España.

Español: Montes nevados en Bilbao, España. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

February was my last month of 100 ways to self-motivation. It was very slow, I stopped daily posting, I left this control and let myself go again. But it’s me, it was strange that I kept myself controlled so long 🙂 The result of this – I saw, that I’m capable to do it, I’m able to control myself and keep me focused on some things.

  • I relaxed myself so much, that I left my practice a part and it seems, I was only enjoying San Sebastian and Basque country.
  • I still haven’t learnt to organize my time, I’m sure, I’ve wasted a lot of it, instead of having used it way better.
  • I’ve realised, that this “self-motivation” project didn’t help to forget the person who was “responsible” that I started it. My ex. Just on 15th of February he and our friends from Madrid came to visit me and I had a really tough time… It was very hard to hide my eyes and not to cry in front of others. I realised that no matter how much time has passed, no matter that I have started to like one guy from Bilbao, I still love my ex and I would change everything to be able to hug him again. So my learning to live without him and accept the absence of him, understand that he is not coming back and live with this fact, should go on… After 100 days of self-motivation, learning to change negative thoughts with positive, accept emotions, accept bad things which happen, I’m moving. Yesterday I cut the communication. I wrote him that I can’t pretend that we are friends when we aren’t, I said that I love him and I want him back and that I don’t want to know anything about him now. It was sad and painful when he just agreed with this, and didn’t fight for anything. I felt some kind of coldness… I can’t believe this, but probably it’s time to accept the fact – there is no love from his part… It has lost somewhere… Anyway, yesterday I was very sad, I took cappuccino in one of my favourites cafeterias in Donosti, went to buy some presents to Lithuania, some small things for me and later I was sitting in the harbour. I was thinking… Remembering what’s good in my life instead of getting back to the only one bad thing which happened in last seven months – break with him. There are a lot of good things in my life, such as my master, two months here, new people, more self-confidence, new friend from Bilbao, illusions for other scholarships and possibilities to live more in other countries…
  • February was full of people, who let me see myself, get to know myself better. Maybe the biggest discovery is – my self-confidence. I don’t know if it came back, or I got it. But it doesn’t matter. I like this feeling. It’s like I’m raising up after long long time being down.

 

 

How was January?

397445_10200418277202700_1164076304_nWell, one more month has passed, and one more evaluation is needed.

January was strange, long, intensive, different month. First of all because I came to San Sebastian, I started my investigation-looking for a master thesis topic months here.

  • I would say, that I haven’t done everything perfectly. I’ve lost the control and that concentration which I had during the autumn. This month I was like more enjoying the time here than being focused on what I’m doing. So it’s like I have some double feeling – I have a pressure that I should be working more on observation, on the other hand, this time is very good to not to say anymore that I’m recovering from big changes of my life, but that I’m already living my new life. 
  • First weeks I was having a bit hard time, feeling strange being back to Spain but in completely different situation, without my boyfriend, etc. But little by little I managed these feelings, and after he came to visit me, now I feel better.
  • The other bad thing I did this month, was that I was posting way less. I really feel better with my life now, and all the stuff, but I don’t like the idea, that I can concentrate and focus on the things only when I’m bad. I was writing in one of the steps about not waiting until something bad happens, but being conscious all the time. And it seems, I’m doing it. It shows, that there is still a long way left for me in changing my life – I’m better now, I’m more conscious, I’m not repeating some mistakes, but I still keep some my old habits. On the other hand is good that I’m discovering it now, that I have these situations, because if no,I would believe that I’m already completely new and later I would be very dissatisfied and frustrated. 🙂
  • I met one guy which I started to like this month. But the important fact is not that there is a guy or smth, because we are not going to become a couple (we both don’t want it), but important is that I was able to realize and let myself go thinking, that my boyfriend is a past and I have to move, I have to leave everything behind and understand, that if I like someone, I’m not betraying my ex.
  • What I have to do next, is to recover my control, focus and go on like I’ve been doing until now. It seems like there is a big light in the end of the tunel.

20 things of my life which make me happy

P1060670Ok, as I have mentioned in my previous post, that these two days I’m a bit less motivated, I decided to use a therapy of positive thinking and think about 20 things in my present life which make me happy. Let’s see if I reach this number 🙂

  1. I have compromised to do this 100 days to the self-motivation route, and I’m still doing it.
  2. The good results of first semester of the master.
  3. New people in my life in Lithuania, with whom I feel quite comfortable.
  4. I see the sea everyday!
  5. I have an amazing possibility to live in San Sebastian, at least for a while.
  6. The knowlegde of spanish language.
  7. New experiences and new people I’m facing being here.
  8. The honesty and concern of the people whom I don’t know so well.
  9. I have a possibility to travel a little in Basque Country.
  10. There is a huge respect between me and my ex boyfriend. There is still hope, that maybe one day we will get back together, if we still have the feelings for each other in that moment.
  11. The parents of my ex boyfriend still love me and they want to see me when I’m here.
  12. My friends from Madrid are coming to visit me in February.
  13. I’ll start to learn basque language.
  14. I’m running in the beach. I’ve fullfiled one of my little dreams!
  15. People appreciate my job and they have a faith in me. Sometimes more than I do 🙂
  16. Grey’s anatomy 🙂
  17. Awards for my blog. I’ve already got 2 🙂
  18. The belief that time is passing and everything will be ok sooner or later. I know, that it depends on me.
  19. The peace I have inside of me.
  20. The wish to live.

Super sweet blog award

super-sweet-award

yuhuuuu!!! My blog was nominated to super sweet blog award!! Wow, that’s nice, and very unexpected! Thanks to eternalflame! You can check this blog here.

Well, now a little bit about the award:

The rules for this award are as follows:

Thank the blogger(s) who gave you the award and link back to their blog.
Nominate other blogs for this award and let them know.
Post the award on your blog.
Answer the 5 questions

So here we go, my answers to the 5 questions!

  • Cookies or Cake? If it’s fresh fruit cool cake, then absolutely CAKE!
  • Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate. If ice-cream, then vanilla.
  • Favorite sweet treat? Milk chocolate with almonds.
  • When do you crave sweet things the most? When I feel sad and lonely 🙂
  • If you had a sweet nickname, what would it be? Pichón

Soooooooo, my nominees are:

  1. Eternalflame
  2. Eva Tenter
  3. Cristian Mihai

How was December?

bdfc1babcd1696e40c6934f53f073db9Well, I’m doing already third evaluation of my month. Nice. I’m still moving and it seems, I will be moving even after I will have 100 steps done.

Let’s see, how was December?

  • I was posting basically just steps, and very little other kind of posts. This was because I had exams and I was studying for them, but also I was so focused on the things I was doing, that I couldn’t even think about something else or some ideas.
  • My motivation was quite good, but also, as I have mentioned above,  I was very focused. In one moment, when I just lost my routine with some unplanned things, I felt bad again.
  • December was the end of everything – I stopped going to psychologist, the first semester of master was finished, I didn’t give spanish classes, etc. That was kind of strange feeling of emptiness, but I tried to fill it with other things.
  • Talking about my ex, that was quite good month, despite of these year festivals which we were used to spend together. I thought, it will be more difficult. Yes, I cried during 24th of December, and on New Year’s Eve, but I was able to stop me and try to think different things. On 24th of December he said he still loved me, that made me feel better, but on new year’s eve I started to think, maybe he loves me like a friend, like an important person in his life, but not like a woman. Anyway, I’m realising that it’s really the end of our relationship, and the time is passing, so I have no other option just to let it go if I want some other experiences to come into my life. I know that I won’t have anybody else like him, but I’m not afraid to stay alone all my life.
  • My mood was ok during this month, I finally defined who is who in my life, from whom I could expect what. I’m glad I’ve started some new relationships since September. I’m surprised, that since the autumn I was not very sociable, and I didn’t even want to see people in my eyes, but at the end somehow I manage to start to create the relationship.
  • My study results are stunning, considering, that I had very hard semester, sometimes there was an absence of will to read and to study. I’m waiting for my last result, but there rest are 10,10,10 and 9.
  • I made a list of good and bad things which had happened last year and realised, that at the end 2012 was not bad, it was just difficult. If not a break with my ex, I could have called it the best year of my life. I had traveled in Spain quite a lot, I did Santiago way (Camino de Santiago, part of it), I believed that I can do it alone, there was a moment when I had 3 jobs at one time, I was in Rome for 2 weeks, few days in London, 1 week in Belgium, I participated in journalistic project and we did a very interesting investigation about the kids growing in homosexual families, I was accepted to Social Anthropology master which is funded by EU and I was given a possibility to go abroad to have my practice – I’m going to use this possibility on Friday already… If not the loss of my family and everything I’ve been creating last 3 years, I would have been the happiest girl in the world. But probably it’s true – you can’t have everyting.
  • I became even more stable during December, understanding, that even if one day I feel bad, it doesn’t mean that I’m failing, it just means, that it’s normal. This is the rhythm of the life – two steps forward, one step back…
  • I still don’t know who I’m reacting to my ex and what kind of relationship I want with him. If I want some. There was a moment I thought I don’t want to know anything about him, later it was another when I thought, well, it’s nice that we are still talking. I guess, I will see. In 16 days he is coming to visit me in San Sebastian, so I’ll check how I feel and what I will do later.
  • I’m starting the year motivated to improve my life. To do what I haven’t done before and finally to have my best year which was taken away from me last year. And it happened just because of my fault. So this year I’m not letting anyone to take MY BEST year from me.
  • I couldn’t drink alcohol in November, because I was feeling bad and sad afterwards. I didn’t drink a lot during December, because of this reason (don’t think that I’m some alcoholic 🙂 ), but when I did, everything was ok. Probably I managed to work on my thoughts and emotions. On the other hand, sometimes I don’t wine to get sad. But it’s normal.
  • I stopped being impatient. I think, I don’t have that feeling of waiting to get back together. I’m realising, that we aren’t together, and probably we won’t be, despite that everything was very good and nice between us. And this emptiness is appearing inside of me, but I’m not trying to fill it with the thoughts and dreams about him. I’m dreaming and planning other things, not related with him. Of course, to be honest, some dream/plans/decisions are not finally taken just in case I could reform them a bit…
  • I didn’t celebrate neither Christmas, nor New Year, but it was my own decision. I even had one invitation to spend that night playing board games, but I refused. I just felt I wanted to stay at home with a book and my pijama. And I didn’t regret.

Well, I guess, really, the worse is already in the past. I’ve learnt, I’ve grown, I’ve changed. Now I have to keep myself like this and go forward.

383678_512092638811907_795937944_n

 

 

1/2 of the path: I’ve never thought I’ll be here

eiks

Self-confidence.

Relief.

Proud.

Joy.

Happiness.

Trust.

I have these feelings just right now. Tomorrow I’m starting the second half of the path to self motivation. It’s amazing. Even I’m the only one who thinks that, but it’s amazing!

So strange. It seems, I’ve started it both – yesterday and long long time ago. On the one hand time has passed so fast that I didn’t even realized. On the other hand, I feel myself so different from that day “me”, that it’s strange that it has passed just 50 days. A bit more, as I’ve  missed few days without writing.

I’m thinking differently, I’m doing fine, I’m planning my future! I see my future! I’m making my plans! Last day I faced with the fact that I’m going to Basque country for a couple of months – first time for so long time after august… I´m moving out of my comfort zone again.

All these signs show me, that I’m doing fine. I’m recovering. Or, let’s say, I’m learning to live in my new life. Let’s not use this “I’m recovering”. Maybe I’ve recovered and now I’m adapting new me to my new life. It sounds better.

37_picsSo, what’s happened, that I want to live again?

Even I didn’t seem so, I was working one me.

I was having my daily responsibilities, such as post every day, without any kind of excuses.

I was being conscious, paying attention to my behaviour, thoughts, controling them. I was listening to myself and to my needs.

I was wanting to have my life, I was convincing me, that everything what is happening in the life, has a start and the end.

I let myself to feel. I let myself to be angry. To hate, to be angry at the most important person in my life. I let myself to pass through all steps of acceptance of the lose.

It’s not the end, maybe the hardest is just waiting for me. But I know – I’m already different, so I’ll be handleing it in different way.

And I hope, that the worst is already in the past.

It doesn’t mean I don’t love anymore. It doesn’t mean I don’t want the things which were important to me back. It means I’ve learnt to live without it. It means, I can love being here, being apart. It means, I’m accepting my reality and feeling comfortable with it.

I’m so happy about it. Yes, happy, let’s not be afraid of this word!

 

How was November?

self-motivationIt has passed another 30 days, it’s time to take a look how was it and to compare with October.

  • There was a moment in the start of this month when I felt like I’m not moving on, that I’m lying to myself and that everything is stupid. That was some moment of desperation. I was keeping my self well, but somehow on sundays I was starting to cry with no reason, and losing my motivation again. But later I managed to concentrate myself and since them everything is quite fine. Especially this week. 
  • I see huge difference between ME in October and ME now.
  • I realised, that until now, at least last sunday, I can’t drink alcohol. Not even a little bit a beer, because my brain relaxes and I start to think bad things again. 🙂 On the other hand, after I had some corrections in my mind, I think, it won’t affect me anymore.
  • I was thinking lately, maybe I should cut our communication with my ex, ’cause it has no point, etc. Few days ago we talked and he said, that he sent me a birthday present. I was so suprised, I didn’t know how to react. We talked a bit about our communication, etc. It was very nice conversation indeed. After it I started to realize and change my point of view. I though – why shoud I think that it’s bad if we communicate and keep in touch? But it’s good! It means, we are grown up people, who still respect each other and are able to keep the relationships in this situation. And it’s a pleasure to be his friend. Of course, we have limits, we don’t talk about some things, but at the end it’s normal. So, I changed my point of view and instead of being unhappy for being JUST a friend, I started to be happy that I’m AT LEAST a friend. It could have been that we fight and we split without even saying a nice word to each other.
  • Being able to change the point of view and instead of thinking what I don’t have but I’d like to have, I managed this month to think about what I have and what could I do with what I have. This is a very big step and I’m very proud of me for having done this. I wish to myself to keep on this path.
  • I could say, that November was very good month – it passed very fast, I even haven’t realized it. I started to make plans, I started to cook and go shopping this month, I changed my room. In short words – I was doing things this month.
  • Ok, yes, sometimes I still get impatient, I start to think – so if everything is changed now, why I’m still without him? But I catch myself thinking this and take these thoughts away. I’m convincing me that time will show. It’s hard to wait, but I have to accept it because there is no other way.
  • I’m still in my blog, writing almost every day. In 7 days I’ll reach 50 day already. When I look back, I see how huge job is already done! I remember myself in September, thinking that this pain won’t ever pass, and now I’m even feeling good.
  • Other thing of my better state is the fact, that some month or more ago, I felt a bit bad and I started to write a letter to my ex. It was a moment when I was angry at him. But one moment I said to myself: “If I’m saying that I’m doing things differently, why am I writing a letter? Let’s wait a bit and if I see that I really can’t live without sending it, I will send.” So, until now I have this letter unsent. I was adding some things, later cutting them, editing. And at the moment I have quite new letter based on the old one 🙂 I will send it to him, but it will be more for Christmas, and some nice and warm things than something else. I wil even invite him to visit me in Basque Country if he will consider it necessary, or if he wants. It won’t be a problem anymore for him.
  • I don’t know whether I’m happy, or no. At the moment I’m proud of me that I’m doing fine, that I’m managing good and I’m keeping my life and I still have this wish to live. Not to exist, but to live. While I have it, I will be doing better and better. The rest of the things will come with time.

So now, with new thoughts and curiosity, I’m facing up the last month of the year!

 

When you think that life has stopped – calm down, breath and wait until it starts to move again

Storm arriving to San Sebastian-Donostia (Basque Country)

One can’t hate life, when it always offers some challenges, some failures and victories.

It seems, like before awards, life gives loses just to assure that the prize will be enough appreciated.

My life these weeks, these months, was first of all like a lake – standing still, with no hope to move. Later it started to be like the sea – one wave took me up, other – put me down. There were storms, there was piece around. Sometimes more than one in a day. And now it’s becoming like a river – dynamic, alive, non-stop going futher. It’s like I’m going somewhere, I just need to find a destiny and keep the direction.

Everything seemed so dark last months. There was no life around, there was no wish for something, no hope for the future, nothing to wait for. Just emptiness. Darkness. Sadness. Hard to believe that now the colors are appearing. Like flowers during the spring. I’m so carefull at the moment – I’m not sure whether it’s true, or just some ilusion after so much darkness. What’s going on?

Few weeks ago I started to organise the stuff for going to practice to Basque Country. First of all I was told, it shouldn’t be any problem, neither for going nor for getting the scholarship before coming back. I was glad,  I found a place to live, I almost have started to count the days and wait for it, until… Until on Friday I was told that at the end they can’t give me money before I leave, so I should pay from my own and later they give it back. The little problem was that I didn’t have this money.

I’ll see this everyday since January! 🙂

First good thing which I observed was, that after getting that mail I was not disappointed. I calmly read the mail and thought, how could I solve this. I had few options – to take a loan from the bank, ask if there would be some possibilities to give money earlier, or just don’t go there and use January for reading or traveling to other places. At the end I decided to try to fight, so I wrote the letter asking if there could be some possibilities and if no, I’ll take a loan.

So today I’ve got an answer, that at the end everything is ok, tomorrow I should go to firm the contract and give my account number! That means that I’m really going to Basque Country on January! This is so big lesson for me…

I know, I have to adapt it to other things, which are more important and harder to control. But at the end, the moral is this: There are moments in the life when the best we can do is wait, be patient and calm.

I think, at the moment when I saw that mail, I felt… HAPPY!

The life is really going on!

When we think that life has stopped – we should calm down, breath and wait until it starts to move again. It’s impossible for it to stay calm for a long time – it was made to be active and dynamic.

The lesson of today 🙂