Taking is borrowing and sharing is giving debts back

Norway

Norway 2014

… because what else is life about if not sharing?

What else is life about if not rising and falling, but always keeping on moving?

What else is life about if not giving back what you’ve taken when you needed?

What’s the point of learning, travelling, experiencing if everything what we live and manage, stays in our memories, or, is being told during the dinner with friends while drinking 3rd bottel of wine?

I’ve been talking to one my friend about how failed we felt in our lives, compared with our classmates from journalism studies which we finished 5 years ago. Some of them has already travelled around the world, published a book, established a perspective company, others became TV News directors, or were awarded by many international magazines for their amazing pictures or short movies and front page of National Geography.

But at the same time we smiled, looked at each other and realized that everything we say, is not true. Right, we haven’t done the things others did, but neither did they do what we did. We lived in other countries, we learnt about them, we met people, we started masters which we’ll finish in couple of months. We travelled as well, we lived as well. BUT. We still haven’t given back what we were given. All the stories I have from my travels – are amazing, and they make me smile when I remember them, but what’s the point if I only tell them to random people I meet on my way?

This is how I started to think, that life is giving something to us, teaching something, but later we have to share learned lessons, we have to in-act  them. Collect the experience and use it for higher purposes. For inspiring somebody to do what you’ve done, for teaching what you’ve learnt, for adapting new things in your old environment.  This is the way the life could be changed.

It feels like, I’m reevaluaating my life and getting ready for something new.

Blue and yellow

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Kaunas 2014

I woke up yesterday morning and just had this terrible feeling, kind of sadness mixed with guilt, that I still don’t feel like writing my thesis. Although so little left – in two months I have already to present it. So if I concentrate better and work more on it, I could still start and finish it.

Then I took mental break. Went to the shop to buy some stuff I needed, took a bath, drunk my cup of coffee with milk and wonderful chocolate, sent 3 postcards, bought 3 books and… started to talk with one friend. Then I decided – it’s been a while I haven’t talked to him, so let it be that this day will be dedicated to him and tomorrow I’ll work on my thesis… How many tomorrow’s have I had? Everyday since the end of January… So many tomorrows…

And I woke up today… Early… To have a full day of work. But it’s Sunday. And sun is shining. And I’ve never enjoyed this, it’s like I’m always postponing sun and sunny days and take them for granted. So I grabbed my camera, sent a message to one girl and we met in the place of my city where I was used to go when I was little, but later I just forgot about it and never went back. P1110262

It was a great day. Full of conversation, sharing of experience, smiles, stories. I completely don’t feel like I’ve wasted my time. I know that if I had stayed at home, I would have wasted it on the Internet. And now I just had a rich sociable day. Maybe even started to feel more motivated.

And you know… I don’t feel stressed, I don’t feel bad that I’m still not doing this. I feel a bit dissapointed by myself, as everyday I’m promising myself to start doing things, and everyday I’m postponing it. On the other hand I’m just simply happy. I’m just enjoying these days of freedom. And sun. And possibility to be here and now.

But I’m also realizing that motivation is not some magic thing which is held by ones and not by others. It’s nothing we can take from the shelf and later put it back. It’s kind of a process. It’s something we create through the hard work in both: our minds and our behaviour. And it’s never finished, rather is always being processed. We create our aims and we’re trying to reach them. We build the walls and we break them. Our hands are full of power. Constructive and destructive. Both. It’s up to us which power we will use. It’s up to me which side will I take now. No excuses. And no regrets.

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30 things we MUST stop doing to ourselves

30 things we MUST stop doing to ourselves

I know… It’s been a while… a long while since my last post… I’ve lived in San Sebastian, in Copenhagen, I’ve visited Norway, Denmark, Slovaquia, Hungary, Sweden during this time… I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve made friends, I’ve lost them, I kissed, I huged, I’ve been lonely, I’ve been happy. I’ve done a lot, and nothing at the same time… And now, the wish, the need for writing is coming back to me.

I guess, the concept of this blog will be different at some point… Or no. I don’t know. But I’m promising myself to get back on track. And write. About something. Something what is in my mind and needs to be written.

Here is the link: 30 things we MUST stop doing to ourselves. No comments needed. But how many times we’re repeating all of this?

Back to the beggining

San Juan, San Sebastian, 2013

San Juan, San Sebastian, 2013

To make the memories into ashes. To make it dissapear for having space for new lessons and experiences. Circle of life. Things come and go.

Last week my ex told me he has almost closed the door. He doesn’t love me anymore. I can’t describe the feeling I had. Huge deception and pain, it seemed like the sky was falling on me, but on the other hand… I felt like I was free again. Emotionally. Like realising, that I can’t wait anymore and I can’t lie to myself that he loves me and he’ll come back. I was feeding myself with this lie since he left, even though I always knew he won’t come back. And now there is a big hole inside of me, emptiness, but also some kind of happiness and faith, that probably everything will be ok. Maybe it was really not our way to make it together, if he didn’t find it worth to give us the possibility knowing how amazing we were. Some kind of relief is in my heart. And a little bit of sadness, but not the pain anymore.

 

 

The soul of freedom

… I woke up at 7am that day and the first thought in my mind was: TODAY! Today I’m putting my backpack on my back, today I’m going on the road and nobody knows what will happen. Today I will learn to wait and see, that I never can be sure about anything, each moment is a surprise.

I guess, this is one of the most important points of travelling. During the travels I discover, that even the most obvious things can turn around and become the huge surprises having big influence to the life, or at least to the way of thinking.

So, That day, especially morning,was full of waiting and inpatience. I was turning around in my room, making my bag, taking the things off and putting them back again. Counting the passing moments until I have to put the bag on and go. And just before leaving my home, I saw on FB one job offer. If I had sent them my CV, they would have taken me. I have no doubts. Almost. But I didn’t. I decided, that if there was this job offer, it will be more, but now I need to go. Go to Germany, Spain, and later Denmark.

… we met on the road at 1pm. My friend was ready for a travel, and we both started to go until “good point” where we could start to hitch-hike. Our plan was to do this in two days, because one night seemed too perfect plan. In 10 min. first truck has stopped and the man behind the steering-wheel in polish told us that he goes to Poland. As it was our direction, we didn’t make any more questions. Later he discovered that he is going to some village which was on the way to Poznan, some 450km from Lithuania. In the other words, it was almost a half way of the trip with the first car!!!!

The sad part was that the driver was taking only in polish (and probably sometimes he thought that he does so in russian) , and we both were bad in both – russian and polish. Latter was worse. So, no normal conversation was established. Even though we managed to tell him that after Berlin we go to Spain and my friend to Portugal, he told us a bit of his job and helped to understand where we are. If not him, maybe instead of going to Poznan, we would have gone to Wroclaw, which was completely not good for Berlin…

After some 5-6 hours ride he left us on the way to Poznan, wished good luck and went back to his village to see his wife.

It didn’t pass another 20 min. when we were already sitting in one 23 years old guy’s car. He had very poor english, but he managed to offer us to smoke some wheet after some 5min since we entered the car. It took quite a lot of time to try to convince him that we prefer him not to smoke in the car unless he’s really good driving. But when he didn’t understand english, it was complicated.

After some 300km, which took us to Poznan, he offered us to sleep in some kind of place, called Hotel. He had a room for him and there was one for his workmate, but as he didn’t come, there was left one spare room. We looked at the dark sky (it was 10pm already), looked at the clouds full of rain and decided to take the offer. So, we spent a very comfortable night in Poznan, took a good rest and got ready for last 250km next day.

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“Hotel” in Poznan

Next morning our wheet smoker took us on the highway and left back to Poznan. After it we took quite a lot of time to get some cars to Berlin, but it was a beautiful sunny day, so we didn’t lose the hope. One of the last drivers was, let”s say, german businessman, listening to Beatles in his car, drinking water and black coffee. And the last driver, 50 years german, who has a 27 years old son was a real german, how we could imagine them – strong and strict. When he stopped and we entered the car, he started to say something in german, and just because of some strange human logic we understood what he was saying. Anyway, we managed to have some mini conversation in this language. Since that day I’m thinking to put in my CV one more language – german.

Berlin met us full of sun and weird people. “The amount of weird people we see here in 5 min would be reached in one week in Lithuania” – said my friend. “And in Kaunas it would need even more time”, – joked I.

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Berlin

To be continued…

 

 

 

On the road

2013-06-04 18.22.14Again.

The same emotion of moving out of the comfort zone. Bittersweet joy, little worries of how is it going to be this time, open heart for new experience and wish everything to be ok.

In few hours first time on my life I’m going to put my backpack (until now it was an orange bag or luggage) on my back and I’ll go on the road. There I’ll meet my classmate and we’ll stary our journey to Berlin

Can’t wait to see Berlin. No, can’t wait to start the travel, to be on the road and see what happens. If I open my heart, I suppose, I will meet people with the same opened hearts.

On Sunday I should go to Bremen. I will visit my classmate from school, I haven’t seen him for 8 years… When I was 12, I was inlove with him 🙂 Now he is married. He’s always been on of my best friends in school.

Next day it will be Dusseldorf, but just for a while, once I’m there, I should go to the airport and in early morning of next Tuesday I’m leaving to Santander. And in the afternoon finally I’ll reach my destiny – San Sebastian. 🙂 Again this year. For another two months. Some easy, peaceful feeling in my heart.

And during this time I expect to firewell my past and let it go. When I do it, new winds will come.

 

When it’s time to part, then it’s time to part

A couple of 14-carat gold wedding rings. Pictu...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Wall of flames, bridge of tears.
Snowflake on newly forged links.

For a marriage to last, a couple must go through great travails and hardships. It is like a process of forging steel links together. The iron must be heated to a high degree and then plunged into cold water. A marriage alternates between the heat of passion and love and the chilling times of tragedy, conflict, and adversity. An enduring marriage becomes like tempered steel.

It is difficult to go through life alone. We all need support and the sense of belonging that comes from working toward goals shared with another. For such a relationship to work, there must be a basic compatibility of values, outlook, and purpose. It is an inadequate cliche that spouses must be friends as well as lovers. Two mates can know a loyalty found in no other type of relationship. Yet even in the face of such strength, Tao reminds us of the need for moderation.

Ultimately, all relationships are temporary. False attachment to another can become an addiction, a voluntary bondage detrimental to clear perception. We should no bind another to ourselves, should not define ourselves by our marriage, should not force another to stay with us. But if chance allows us to walk together, who is anyone to challenge our choice of walking companions?

When it is time to part, then it is time to part. There should be no regrets. The beauty of marriage is like the fleeting perfection of a snowflake.

Deng Ming-Dao

365 Dao

Daily meditations

In which corner of the Earth you are now?

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Vigo, 2010

Lately one of the first 3 questions which people ask me, is “in which corner of the Earth you are now?” It’s very strange, because this was the question I was asking others and I never expected to be asked this. Sometimes the dreams come true, don’t they?

I learnt to move from my cousins. When  I was small, they were already travelling, studying, working abroad and I was looking at them and wishing to grow up and to start doing the same as soon as possible. Even though, I started my “mover carrer” quite late – I was 22 when it was my first time on a plane, going to USA. Before I had been outside Lithuania, but that was completely different comparing with what happened after coming back from America. I came back after 4 months to Lithuania, got my bachelorus degree and it hand’t passed 12 months since arriving to LT when I left it again, that time – to Spain. It was in 2009. Since that day I learnt to travel alone, to travel on a low budget and with small bag. I even didn’t have a backpack, and didn’t know anything about it 🙂 2008 and visit to States had opened one door which never closed and since then I understood – that I don’t want to get out of that place, and I don’t want to close that door. At least for the moment.

Well, everybody has travelled a lot, more than me, I’m not going to tell here all my travels, experience and discoveries, I just wanted to reflect a bit on the thing, that unexpectedly I became the person I wanted to be – the one, who’s being asked in which part of the world she is. And the answer: In Lithuania is going to be valuable just for couple next weeks. My plan for this year was to spend 2 months in Lithuania, and the next 10 abroad. It seems, this plan is working!

I’m coming back to Basque country this summer, and from September I will be studying in Denmark, in Copenhagen. 🙂

Before going to San Sebastian, me and my coursemate will go to Berlin, I hope to visit Bremen and Dusseldorf also, before flying to my beloved Euskadi.

Looking at the backpack on the floor in my room makes me feel good. Great. Amazing. Happy. Feeling alive. Once again. I’ve been trought tough time since last year, and I still have pain, but it is in other place in my heart. It’s like a cancer – I know that I have it, and I learn to live with it. I just don’t want it to disturb my ability to enjoy the things.

I can’t describe this feeling which I have everytime I move to some unknown place. That bittersweet mixture of worries and a bit of fear, the joy of the possibility to be able to open all these unknown doors and to see what’s inside, the uncertainty about what’s waiting for you next and other emotions. I don’t even listen to music when I’m in a new place – I want to hear it, and while I don’t feel it, while I don’t feel the part of it, I can’t drawn in my world.

So, in two weeks I’m starting my new experience, new period of learning, meeting people and creating myself! And I know – everything will be just fine.

Reflextions on 30 days experiment

P1080261One of the main things in non-formal education is the reflextions after something is done. N0n-formal education is based on learning through the personal experience, so it is very important to see what was done, evaluate it, reflect and see what could be done next time. If there is no reflextion, some important part is missing and no further learning can happen.

So, it’s time to face my experiment and what was done.

Actually, the only thing I did, was taking pictures 30 days. Even thought, it was not everyday. The rest of the things.. I failed. On the other  hand, I understood, that my mistake was to take so many aims and try to fullfill them. I should have taken one, and do it good.

The process of experiment was probably like any others- in the start I was motivated and with ideas about taking pictures, I was waiting for a new day to come to be able to take one more picture, to learn something new. But as the time was passing by, my motivation was getting lower, sometimes I wasn’t even carrying my camera, just phone. And I was not trying to take a GOOD picture, I was doing ANY shot just to be calm with myself that I did a task of the day.

On the other hand, these kind of self-compromises made me grow, or at least thinking about it 😀 It’s like some little tasks for the day which should be completed and which bring me step by step to some bigger picture.

So, in general, this experiment confirmed my weak points (looking and finding excuses for not to do something), but also let me understand once again that things are being done little by little, step by step and only efforts and patience help them to come out.

I was having an idea to go on with the experiment and do other thing next 30 days, but at the moment I’m quite busy with my final papers, so I know that I won’t be able to do it. In few weeks I will start something new. Well, actually, in few weeks I’m moving again…

Next post will tell where and for how long… 🙂