Step 27. Create the way you relate

“We can’t relate to others if our relationship with
ourselves is poor. A commitment to personal motivation comes first.”

So true. Basically, it’s the reason why I’m not with my ex. Finally,  I have found it. Ironic, he was used to say this to me, but probably I was too small and not ready to hear it. Now I know. And I understand him.

I don’t call the “old me” the unhappy one. But “old me” was past-oriented me, lacking of motivation, not looking forward, not having some hopes and not trying to do things, just giving up to some short-term aims. I didn’t have relationship with myself. I didn’t know who I am, how I am, where am I going, why am I doing this or that.

The “new me” which is being born now, is learning not to be past-oriented. It’s so strange, when all the time I’m having a feeling like I’m observing myself from outside. It’s like I’m following all my movements, controling them and later reflecting on them. Everytime I get a negative thought, I catch it look at it and think: “What do I want to do with you – keep you and let you stay a bit longer, or I throw you?” Sometimes I do one or another thing. But I’m always aware what’s happening. I have to admit, it’s a great feeling.

I’m also trying to cut my living on short term aims and look for a long term one. Well, at this moment it’s still a bit hard, ’cause I’m still recovering from the break up, but I’m moving, and moving a lot. And well, actually, my this moment long-time aim could be full recovery and the start to create my life again or get back with my ex, just being new me.

My short-middle time aim is to create a relationship with myself, to be able to do so with other person. Actually, I’m on it. I guess, I’m moving more and more, sometimes with ups and downs, but more important, that I’m moving forward, not backward.

Later, when the relationship with ourselves is created, S.Chandler offers to use creativity when relating with others.

“When we view relationships as opportunities for creativity, they always
get better. When our relationships get better, we are even more
motivated.“

And, instead of the end, something to think about – we create the relationships we have in the way we want.

“When there’s a
relationship problem to be solved, travel up your ladder to the most
creative you. You’ll soon realize that we create the relationships we
have in our lives; they don’t just happen.”

Goodnight!

Step 5. Learn to sweat in peace

“The harder you are on yourself, the easier life is on you. Or, as they say in the Navy Seals, the more you sweat in peacetime, the less you bleed in war“, – writes S.Chandler in his book. Words, made of gold.

As I’ve read long time ago – do a little bit more that you can do. As other things, I was carrying this in my head, and waiting for a magical day to use it. This week I’m feeling like a teenager girl, who is discovering obvious things, who knows that she had everything in her mind all the time, and who doesn’t understand, WHY this hadn’t been used.

I’ve started this strange 100 ways to be motivate yourself blog to make a challenge for me and to learn to be happy. It has passed just 6 days since it started and I already feel some improvement. I have to admit, that I’m not thinking about previous steps everyday, but I started to be more positive and to be able to control my thoughts and emotions more. I am even motivating myself better. It seems, that my eyes are seeing world from different light. I look at this carefully, I don’t want this to be a temporal recovery and to fall down again, but some things are already SO different. The things which had to be changed, are being changed step by step, and the things which I considered real (like my feelings, wishes, important persons, hopes)- are still staying.

The first steps were like creating concept of me, realize who am I and whom I have, and, finally, this one is like an action for what to do to realize those steps.

So, what does it mean learn to sweat in peace? I understand it like don’t pandering to myself when I have to do something, but I don’t want. I have to push myself and do, but do not exact amount, but more. For later to be easier. If I am hard on me, nobody will be harder, so it’s going to be easier. It can be adapted to everything – studies, work, self motivation, relationships with people and with myself.

Lately I felt like I’m being soft on me, what wasn’t like this when I was a kid. Why do so many things change since we become adults?

So, what I’m going to do since today? 

– Prepare the time schedule for me, for everyday. I was taught to do that, and sometimes I did, but somehow it wasn’t working.

– Study more and more carefully.

– Waste less time in internet.

– I will control my mind and actions, not vice versa.

– I will sweat in peace.

So, now I’m going to make on more huge mug of coffee, open first text for tomorrow’s middle term exam and study carefully. When I finish the first one, I will start with the second one. And until the end. Even it will be the midnight. I’m wishing luck to myself!

Watch what it does to your motivation going into the “real” challenge.