30 things we MUST stop doing to ourselves

30 things we MUST stop doing to ourselves

I know… It’s been a while… a long while since my last post… I’ve lived in San Sebastian, in Copenhagen, I’ve visited Norway, Denmark, Slovaquia, Hungary, Sweden during this time… I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve made friends, I’ve lost them, I kissed, I huged, I’ve been lonely, I’ve been happy. I’ve done a lot, and nothing at the same time… And now, the wish, the need for writing is coming back to me.

I guess, the concept of this blog will be different at some point… Or no. I don’t know. But I’m promising myself to get back on track. And write. About something. Something what is in my mind and needs to be written.

Here is the link: 30 things we MUST stop doing to ourselves. No comments needed. But how many times we’re repeating all of this?

Step 99. Laugh for no reason

Happiness (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Few days ago one portuguese woman said me the best thing in my life: “Never grow up. Stay as you are now.” Probably I won’t ever forget this and I will always try to stay a little bit like a kid. I’m not the one who is curious and pays attention to some details or always gets surprised by anything. No, but I’m the one who is not ashamed to look ridicolous, I’m not afraid to make some crazy, funny things and I don’t care what other people would think. Quite often I behave like little kids behave – enjoy stupid things, get into some games, and enjoy them from the depth of my heart. Yes, it’s me, and I’m glad I don’t play this “I’m a serious adult” game. I’m 27, but I sometimes still have this joy of a little kid.

This is what S.Chandler talks about in this chapter. He says laugh for no reason. He suggests don’t wait until the happiness to come, but to act if it has come already.

When I was living in Madrid, I was thinking – “I’m not ok now, but when I get a job, everything will be ok and I will be happy”. I was waiting for something to happen to feel good. But it didnt’ happen. I’ve found a job. Actually, 3 jobs. And I felt better, of course, but it was not what I expected. Later I realised how stupid was living and thinking – later I will be happy. The moment of happiness is now and if we want to be happy – we should be.

“We do not
sing because we are happy, we are happy because we sing.” – William James, USA philosopher

Happiness, motivation is not some condition, it’s a state of mind which is controlled by ourselves. It’s not easy, sometimes it’s easier to let ourselves go and feel pitty instead of making some effort to feel at least a bit more motivated. Anyway, once we understand that we are the reasons of our moods, we will start to control them.

Good luck!

1 more step left and I’m done.

 

Step 95. Hold your vision accountable

Some thoughts for the weekend:

“It’s not what a vision is,” says Robert Fritz “it’s what a vision does.“
What does your vision do? Does it give you energy? Does it make you
smile? Does it get you up in the morning? When you’re tired, does it
take you that extra mile? A vision should be judged by these criteria, the
criteria of power and effectiveness. What does it do?
Robert Fritz is widely quoted in Peter Senge’s business masterpiece, The
Fifth Discipline. Fritz is a former musician who has taken the basic
principles of creativity in music composition and applied them to
creating successful professional lives. Life gets good, he argues, when
we get clear on what we want to create.”

How was January?

Well, one more month has passed, and one more evaluation is needed.

January was strange, long, intensive, different month. First of all because I came to San Sebastian, I started my investigation-looking for a master thesis topic months here.

• I would say, that I haven’t done everything perfectly. I’ve lost the control and that concentration which I had during the autumn. This month I was like more enjoying the time here than being focused on what I’m doing. So it’s like I have some double feeling – I have a pressure that I should be working more on observation, on the other hand, this time is very good to not to say anymore that I’m recovering from big changes of my life, but that I’m already living my new life. 
• First weeks I was having a bit hard time, feeling strange being back to Spain but in completely different situation, without my boyfriend, etc. But little by little I managed these feelings, and after he came to visit me, now I feel better.
• The other bad thing I did this month, was that I was posting way less. I really feel better with my life now, and all the stuff, but I don’t like the idea, that I can concentrate and focus on the things only when I’m bad. I was writing in one of the steps about not waiting until something bad happens, but being conscious all the time. And it seems, I’m doing it. It shows, that there is still a long way left for me in changing my life – I’m better now, I’m more conscious, I’m not repeating some mistakes, but I still keep some my old habits. On the other hand is good that I’m discovering it now, that I have these situations, because if no,I would believe that I’m already completely new and later I would be very dissatisfied and frustrated. 🙂
• I met one guy which I started to like this month. But the important fact is not that there is a guy or smth, because we are not going to become a couple (we both don’t want it), but important is that I was able to realize and let myself go thinking, that my boyfriend is a past and I have to move, I have to leave everything behind and understand, that if I like someone, I’m not betraying my ex.
• What I have to do next, is to recover my control, focus and go on like I’ve been doing until now. It seems like there is a big light in the end of the tunel.

Step 86. Run with the thinkers

“When you are committed to self-motivation as a way of life, you will
fall into the realm of the Thinker. Your thinking not only creates your
motivation, but it creates your relationships, your family, and the
organization you work for as well, because they are all a part of you.
You are more valuable to your organization with this orientation to
thinking, and you’re more valuable to yourself.“

Step 80. Change yourself first

Let’s be honest – how many times in our lives we were trying to change other people? How many times we wanted to adapt their behaviour to suit us and make us happier? Hundreds of times, I guess… That’s a strange impression, that other people come to ourlives to make us happy. I think, they come there to teach us, to be with us when we are happy or sad, but not to MAKE us so. At the end, sadly, we are responsible for what is called our personal happiness.

As Gandhi has said some years ago,

“Be the change you wish to see in others”

So S.Chandler suggests the same – instead of expecting somebody to fit our wishes, just change ourselves and show the example to people of what we want.

“By being what you want them to be, you lead by inspiration. Nobody
really wants to be taught by lectures and advice. They want to be led
through inspiration.”

It’s not so easy, because some people probably would be malicious and would use others, especially the ones, who try to be good and teach others with their example. On the other hand, since we are responsible for our own behaviour, not for others, it shouldn’t be imporant. Anyway, it’s still a long path to this, to learn to handle all injustice, and to realize that not everybody is grateful that you are being a good person, or human, in short words. Although, to be good doesn’t mean to be stupid. That’s very important to understand.

Step 76. Lighten things up

I know from myself, that when I’m recovering from something tough, I’m starting to make jokes about it. When I’m laughing of something what made me cry before, it’s a sign that I’m getting well.

For not having to wait for it, S.Chandler offers to laugh at the problems when they ocurr. Try to look funny parts, or make some jokes about it and be ready to solve it happily.

At the end, it’s logical. The problem is a fact, we can’t avoid it. So, it’s just up to us in what way we are going to do this. I was used to put serious face and almost ask for pittiness, because it was a PROBLEM. Wow, something huge, what you can’t cure with smile. I was so stupid  sometime ago… Like a little unmatured kid…

Well, on the other hand, I’m getting demotivated until now from time to time. This first week in San Sebastian emotionally is very hard, I’m quite alone here, sometimes feeling lost and not knowing what should I do. And it’s not always that I know how should I laugh at it.

Anyway, it’s good to be reminded, that everything depends on the point of view and that in my past I was not being clever enough 🙂 And now it’s time to pay the price. I’m still paying it.

 

Step 73. Use the 5% solution

I have never been patient. Last years I wanted everything and fast. If it wasn’t happening, I was feeling bad. Very bad. I still can’t understand what has happened to me last years when I was so sleeping in my life.

Step by step. Little by little. Things are happening slowly. But they ARE happening. First day it’s hard to see, but later, from the time perspective we can see some changes. As I do see changes now, when comparing my life with september, for example. During that time January was amazingly far away and I didn’t know how I’m going to survive until it. And now here I am, 8th of January, I’m still alive. I’m in Basque Country, trying to do something!

I just stopped waiting for something impatiently. I started to do things and believe, that if I do them, sooner or later I’ll get the result. Yes, it’s hard to wait, but there are no other options. We aren’t kids anymore who can’t wait to get a candy.

Of course, it’s not always like this. I still have where to grow and never forget, that if I do – I achieve. The failure lies in not doing.

How was December?

Well, I’m doing already third evaluation of my month. Nice. I’m still moving and it seems, I will be moving even after I will have 100 steps done.

Let’s see, how was December?

• I was posting basically just steps, and very little other kind of posts. This was because I had exams and I was studying for them, but also I was so focused on the things I was doing, that I couldn’t even think about something else or some ideas.
• My motivation was quite good, but also, as I have mentioned above,  I was very focused. In one moment, when I just lost my routine with some unplanned things, I felt bad again.
• December was the end of everything – I stopped going to psychologist, the first semester of master was finished, I didn’t give spanish classes, etc. That was kind of strange feeling of emptiness, but I tried to fill it with other things.
• Talking about my ex, that was quite good month, despite of these year festivals which we were used to spend together. I thought, it will be more difficult. Yes, I cried during 24th of December, and on New Year’s Eve, but I was able to stop me and try to think different things. On 24th of December he said he still loved me, that made me feel better, but on new year’s eve I started to think, maybe he loves me like a friend, like an important person in his life, but not like a woman. Anyway, I’m realising that it’s really the end of our relationship, and the time is passing, so I have no other option just to let it go if I want some other experiences to come into my life. I know that I won’t have anybody else like him, but I’m not afraid to stay alone all my life.
• My mood was ok during this month, I finally defined who is who in my life, from whom I could expect what. I’m glad I’ve started some new relationships since September. I’m surprised, that since the autumn I was not very sociable, and I didn’t even want to see people in my eyes, but at the end somehow I manage to start to create the relationship.
• My study results are stunning, considering, that I had very hard semester, sometimes there was an absence of will to read and to study. I’m waiting for my last result, but there rest are 10,10,10 and 9.
• I made a list of good and bad things which had happened last year and realised, that at the end 2012 was not bad, it was just difficult. If not a break with my ex, I could have called it the best year of my life. I had traveled in Spain quite a lot, I did Santiago way (Camino de Santiago, part of it), I believed that I can do it alone, there was a moment when I had 3 jobs at one time, I was in Rome for 2 weeks, few days in London, 1 week in Belgium, I participated in journalistic project and we did a very interesting investigation about the kids growing in homosexual families, I was accepted to Social Anthropology master which is funded by EU and I was given a possibility to go abroad to have my practice – I’m going to use this possibility on Friday already… If not the loss of my family and everything I’ve been creating last 3 years, I would have been the happiest girl in the world. But probably it’s true – you can’t have everyting.
• I became even more stable during December, understanding, that even if one day I feel bad, it doesn’t mean that I’m failing, it just means, that it’s normal. This is the rhythm of the life – two steps forward, one step back…
• I still don’t know who I’m reacting to my ex and what kind of relationship I want with him. If I want some. There was a moment I thought I don’t want to know anything about him, later it was another when I thought, well, it’s nice that we are still talking. I guess, I will see. In 16 days he is coming to visit me in San Sebastian, so I’ll check how I feel and what I will do later.
• I’m starting the year motivated to improve my life. To do what I haven’t done before and finally to have my best year which was taken away from me last year. And it happened just because of my fault. So this year I’m not letting anyone to take MY BEST year from me.
• I couldn’t drink alcohol in November, because I was feeling bad and sad afterwards. I didn’t drink a lot during December, because of this reason (don’t think that I’m some alcoholic 🙂 ), but when I did, everything was ok. Probably I managed to work on my thoughts and emotions. On the other hand, sometimes I don’t wine to get sad. But it’s normal.
• I stopped being impatient. I think, I don’t have that feeling of waiting to get back together. I’m realising, that we aren’t together, and probably we won’t be, despite that everything was very good and nice between us. And this emptiness is appearing inside of me, but I’m not trying to fill it with the thoughts and dreams about him. I’m dreaming and planning other things, not related with him. Of course, to be honest, some dream/plans/decisions are not finally taken just in case I could reform them a bit…
• I didn’t celebrate neither Christmas, nor New Year, but it was my own decision. I even had one invitation to spend that night playing board games, but I refused. I just felt I wanted to stay at home with a book and my pijama. And I didn’t regret.

Well, I guess, really, the worse is already in the past. I’ve learnt, I’ve grown, I’ve changed. Now I have to keep myself like this and go forward.

 

 

Step 68. Get up a game

“When Michael Jordan was a sophomore in high school he was cut from
his high school basketball team. Michael Jordan was told by his coach
that he wasn’t good enough to play high school basketball. It was a
crushing disappointment for a young boy whose heart was set on
making the team, but he used the incident—not to get mad, not to get
even, but to get better.”

This quote says everything – we shouldn’t ever let people put us down. Every intent should provoke opposite reaction – eternal getting better. Compete with somebody to become better and grow in this way. It’s not about beating other, it’s about personal growing.

Passion. This allways should lift us up.

Passion. Let’s this word be the word of the year. I hope I won’t lose it.

P A S S I O N. 

What is your word of the year?