Step 69. Turn your mother down

“To a child, his or her

parents represent the world. He assumes that the way his parents do
things is the way things are done.”

This fits better for the mothers. And, sadly, my mother is a very pessimistic person. She thinks bad about the people, she worries about far future, she doesn’t trust anyone and thinks that everybody wants to harm her. I discovered that I’ve learnt from her this view just now, when I came back to Lithuania, especially, after the break up with my ex. Even I don’t want, sometimes I’m repeating her patterns of behaviour. And probably that’s why sometimes we can’t understand each other, because unconsciously I am angry at her because I have her set of features and behaviour models.

The good thing of this is that

“optimism can be learned…at any
age.”

And this is what I should do and what I’m doing – instead of blaming my mother, trying to understand her and learn the optimism in my own wat to be able to teach it my kids. When I have them.

 

The Little Prince in my room

“Hay que exigir a cada uno lo que cada uno puede hacer, – replicó el rey.” 

“One must require from each one the duty which each one can perform, – explained the king.”

God, it sounds so amazing in spanish! I guess, I left my lithuanian “Little prince” in Spain, so I’m reading the spanish one and translating it into english. Weird. Sorry for the quality of my translation.

Today my former teacher told me that I have too much pretensions on people. I’d say, I had. Don’t know why. I was always a mess. I always knew I have to tolerate people, accept them in the way they are, but sometimes I was requiring too much from them. I was expecting them to be with me like I was with them. When I did something, it seemed obvious, that other would do the same, because it’s normal thing. But I never knew what could they be demanded and what not. After all, I had so many misunderstandings just because of this.

I can’t ask the rain to be dry, and if I do, I shouldn’t feel dissapointed. It’s my fault that it’s still wet.

I can’t ask to be loved, if other doesn’t feel the love.

Maybe we shouldn’t ask anything from anyone? Maybe we should enjoy if we get something, but don’t expect it? The other is not responsible if he or she makes us feel happy or sad, good or bad. We are responsible for this. The other is necessary just for sharing everything, but not for getting it from him/her.

It’s so unfair, when we put our expectations on other people and expect them to fulfill these expectations. It’s like mother phenomena.  Couple of weeks ago  I met one guy, he has a depression, I am not sure why, but as I know, his relationships with his mother are not the best ones. But it’s not that they fight or something. No. Worse. His mother had HER imagination, how HER SON’S life should be. When he didn’t fulfill her dream, she started to complain, despite that HE was happy with his life. We just talked this evening, that mothers forget the fact that the kids grow up and that they stop having the influence in their lives. It’s hard to accept it, they have to pass through horrible psychological path until they realize, that even though their little kids are grown and they don’t need their careness anymore, they still love them and want to see them from time to time.  It’s hard to be mother, I just can try to imagine it. But it’s unfair from their point of view, that the kids “should” be responsible for their happiness and they should fulfill their unfulfilled dreams. People should understand that each one is responsible for their path. Nothing else.

To know what can we demand from other, we should know him/her good. Since we don’t know, we can’t demand anything.

It’s true, what the Little Prince says, the world of adults is so complicated. And it’s so ironic since “All grown-ups were once children… but only few of them remember it.”

Goodnight. And never forget – you can’t demand more than one can give. It’s naive.